Q&A with Jen Ruiz, 12 Trips in 12 Months

Twelve months, twelve trips, no excuses. What was the moment that gave you the courage to just do it?

I really had a sense that, this is it. This is my last chance to be young and carefree. This is the last chance to make memories where I can look back when I’m older and talk about all the crazy things I did in my 20’s. The minute I crossed the threshold into 29 it was a ticking clock much stronger than any biological clock because there was no way to extend this one – my 20’s were ending. Quickly. Imminently. It was now or never. 

Not only do you have such a great sense of humor in the book, but you made it fun to tag along with you, sharing your destinations. Some of your trips have been on my list of travel goals for a long time. Can you share with me your top three favorite places that you traveled to and why?

I appreciate the kind words! The top 3 places that year were the South of France, Cambodia, and Florence. It’s hard to narrow down favorites but you can’t go wrong with any of these.

I loved frolicking in lavender fields while singing Beauty and the Beast songs in the South of France. It was like a real-life fairy tale.

In Cambodia, having a private guide escort me around Angkor Wat felt like a VIP experience and I learned a lot, not to mention getting a blessing from a Buddhist monk. 

The legendary pieces of art in Florence made it a trip to remember! My inner nerd loves being able to say I’ve seen the Statue of David IRL. 

For those out there who dream about traveling the world, but are afraid to just do it—or don’t feel like they can afford the expenses—do you have any tips or advice to make it a reachable goal?

Yes! First, sign up for my free webinar on 12tripsin12months.com to get all my best tips on doing your own travel challenge. Next, try some cheap flight hacks! Often the flight is the most prohibitive expense – there is budget food and lodging almost everywhere. 

My 3 guaranteed ways to find cheap flights are: 

1) Flight alert programs like Going and Thrifty Traveler

2) Budget airlines like PLAY air and Frenchbe

3) Points and miles through travel credit cards.

Another important tip to remember is that you don’t have to pay everything all at once. With the popularity of websites like Google Flights, Kayak, Booking, Expedia, and the like, you can easily plan your own trip. Spread out the expenses so it doesn’t all hit you at once. I call this my DIY travel layaway plan. You can book the flight this month, hotel next month, activities the month after that, etc. 

This book is more than just a book about a woman taking 12 trips in 12 months It’s about a woman that many can relate to that will vicariously through your journey. You may not have found the man of your dreams, but you found something more important. Tell me how it feels to find true love within yourself, with new Jen? What advice would you give old Jen?

It’s an ongoing journey and I can say that I’m so grateful for every risk I’ve taken because it’s helped me build confidence in myself. Whenever I doubt myself, feel like I’m not moving fast enough, or suffer from those general nagging feelings of not-good-enough-ness (which I don’t think ever leave us), I combat it with all the proof I have to the contrary. 

I look back at how many countries I’ve visited. I think about how I took a chance leaving behind law and have actually made a living as an entrepreneur. I think about the places I’ve moved to, the times I’ve put myself out there, the people whose lives I’ve impacted. Then I think, would I bet on myself? Absolutely. 

That’s where true self love comes from, in keeping promises to yourself. 

Your book was inspiring and empowering, and I feel so many women will relate and connect with your experience, especially with encountering Mr. Wrongs. What advice would have for women that are feeling challenged by society’s expectations and are looking to be more fulfilled and find happiness? 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have it all and feeling frustration if the pieces haven’t fallen into place yet. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that you must enjoy the journey. You cannot reserve happiness for the moment in time where you have it all. 

Think about that for a second. 

Are you telling me the only time in your life when you’re allowed to be happy is when you’ve met all the checklist requirements? When you’re sitting in your white picket fence house with your perfect husband, 2 kids, golden doodle, size 4 body, and no wrinkles? 

First, what if that never happens? Second, how sustainable is that? Third, wouldn’t you want the messy parts? 

Life is full of joy to be had at every single stage. It’s meant to be enjoyed. I think we forget this. We think life is meant to be won or meant to show others up. It’s really all about you and how you can get the most joy out of life. Absolutely everything comes back to that. 

You get a good job, so you can afford experiences that bring you joy. You find a partner, because sharing your life with someone who loves you brings you joy. You travel because going to new places and seeing sites you’ve only seen in pictures brings you joy. Chase that feeling, not society’s mold for “winning.”  

You were bold, brave, and followed your heart. Would you have done anything along the way differently?

With hindsight being 20/20, I wish I’d taken more videos and taken better care of transferring and backing up content from my trips between phone upgrades. 

I also wonder how things might have been different if I’d gone to Morocco instead of Argentina, for several reasons that I’m sure readers will know! 

Ultimately, however, I hesitate to say I’d change anything because even the missteps led me to where I am, and I’m certain I’m on the right path, doing exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. 

I can’t wait to see what’s to come with your future adventures and where life takes you. Where can readers find you?

Thank you so much! You can find me across social media at @jenonajetplane and on my website, jenonajetplane.com. 

And as a bonus, if you’re interested in flight alert programs where you get notified of flight deals to your inbox, I have a freebie with a list of 16+ flight alert programs here.

About 12 Trips in 12 Months:

Bestselling author Jen Ruiz takes readers on a trip around the globe in 12 Trips in 12 Months, defying societal expectations of what a woman is supposed to be—and empowering others to do the same.

The year before her thirtieth birthday, Jen Ruiz decided to change everything. Despite being professionally accomplished and contributing to the world as an attorney at a nonprofit, she had yet to achieve the most important goal, according to society: becoming a wife and mother. So, after more ghostings than a graveyard, tired of dating apps and sitting in a windowless office, Jen embarked on an epic challenge to send her twenties out in style.

Twelve months, twelve trips, no excuses.

She started booking flights instead of swiping right, teaching English online to cover costs. Over the course of the year, Jen descended into a volcano in Iceland, volunteered at an elephant sanctuary in Thailand, called in sick to fly in a hot air balloon, and went scuba diving at an underwater museum in Mexico.

She ended up taking twenty trips, almost double her original goal.

In a moving and inspiring story, Jen invites readers along through the year wherein she decided to stop waiting for others and start living for herself, discovered the power of solo travel magic, challenged herself physically and emotionally, made meaningful connections … and learned that she could feel fulfilled and happy on her own.

Buy on Amazon Kindle | Audible | Paperback | Bookshop.org

Q&A with Gail Marlene Schwartz, Falling Through the Night

You’ve previously mentioned that this book is semi-autobiographical. What parts of your experiences have you woven into your main character, Audrey? Where do you and Audrey differ?

Like Audrey, I’m an anxiety sufferer; I also fell in love with a woman from Montreal and immigrated. I had a twin pregnancy and one twin had Down Syndrome, and he went home with an adoptive family. But unlike me, Audrey is adopted with a terrific relationship with her mom, and she grew up with a psychiatric disability and identity. She’s an introvert and a visual artist, and had a lot more support in her childhood than I did.

This book heavily discusses mental health, specifically anxiety. What do you see as the most important thing in understanding anxiety?

My anxiety connects me with unmet needs; it’s a signal to stop and tune in and attend to myself. Only when I stopped seeing it as a disease and something to be gotten rid of did I actually begin to work with it and to heal. I also believe that cultural, political, social, environmental, and economic alienation can play a huge role in anxiety. I don’t see it as a personal problem, even if it’s an intensely personal experience.

Why is the chosen family such an important theme in this novel, specifically from a queer lens?

Family is the oldest and strongest mainstream social structure that we have in the U.S., and when we aren’t partnered or close to our families of origin, life can be very lonely. Chosen family was my salvation. Not only did I find people who loved me for myself, but those same people helped teach me new and healthier ways of being in relationship. Chosen family is how and why I grew up. Most straight people I know don’t consider crafting social alternatives when partnership or biological family fails; it’s a beautiful phenomenon LGBTQ people have to share.

Why did you choose to write a novel discussing more difficult topics such as mental health, addiction, and suicide?

My artistic practice is about going into the deepest truths of human experience, especially the difficult ones that are hard to talk about. I’m interested in how artists can shift calcified and outdated ways of understanding social problems through storytelling. These are also my experiences, and it’s a joy to create something out of struggle because it helps me feel like the hardship had meaning; what I lived serves my readers and their journeys.

What do you hope readers will take away from your work?

I want readers to know that even “successful” people who publish books can be a mess. I want them to walk away with hope that these struggles don’t have to mean failure, that hard stuff can be woven into the meaning and work of their lives. I want readers to laugh at the funny parts and feel uplifted. I want the book to be a mirror for their courage and the courage of those close to them. If my work is a tiny part of changing the conversation about mental health, I will die a happy woman.

To get a copy of her book, Falling Through the Night, you can go to Amazon or Bookshop.org.

Meet the Author

Gail Marlene Schwartz is a dual citizen, a relationship artist, and an above-average pianist. She is co-author of the books My Sister’s Girlfriend and The Loudest Bark (Rebel Mountain Press) and co-editor of the forthcoming essay collection, Boyhood Reimagined: Stories of Queer Moms Raising Sons (Motina Books). She is a founding editor of Hotch Potch Literature and Art, a collaborative online magazine, and also a freelance editor, writing coach, and writing instructor at the Community College of Vermont. Gail lives in Montpelier, Vermont with her partner, Erin; she spends every other weekend in Montreal with her best friend, Lucie, and their teenage son, Alexi. You can read more about her at gailmarleneschwartz.com.

Follow Gail Marlene Schwartz on social media:

Twitter: @GSchwartzauthor | Instagram: @gailmarleneschwartzauthor

Q&A with Suzette Mullen, The Only Way Through is Out

The first thing that caught my attention was the title of your book. More specifically, the visual presentation. What was the meaning behind that? Tell me about it. 

Funny you should ask about the title! I pitched—and sold—my book with the title Graveyard of Safe Choices. This earlier title reflected an important theme in the book related to a pattern of making safe choices in my life—and my determination to live differently going forward. The marketing team at my publisher was less enamored with this graveyard title and eventually told me it wasn’t going to fly. They were concerned that a book with that title might be perceived as “potentially being a bummer of a story”! I brainstormed new titles with some writer friends and fellow book coaches and The Only Way Through Is Out emerged as the winner. I love the play on words with “Out” in the title and the twist on the more well-known phrase “The only way out is through.” And the cover that the designer created was a lovely callback to the theme of safe choices—executed with much more eloquence than the original graveyard idea!

When you look at all the moments in your life, what led to your decision to capture this moment in time to pen as your memoir?

I wrote first to understand this profound—and confusing—time in my life; to make meaning out of an experience that literally changed my life. As I wrote and began to connect the dots, I knew that my story wasn’t just for me. In the end, I wrote the book I wished I’d had when I was coming to terms with my truth and struggling to decide what to do about it. 

You were very forthcoming with your feelings towards your best friend while you were married. How to did you reconcile your marriage vs the fantasy of life with her? I knew I felt very strongly about my best friend Reenie, but I wasn’t able to name or label those feelings at the time. What was going on all seems so obvious now, but I was in deep denial. Clearly I was having an emotional affair—at least from my perspective—athough I wasn’t able to own that until much later.

From an outsider point of view, I was surprised by your reaction to how your husband reacted. Putting yourself in his shoes, would you have done or said anything differently? I don’t want to speculate about what I would have done or said differently—it’s truly impossible to know. What I can say is that I feel very fortunate that my husband navigated this difficult journey with kindness and grace toward me. I am truly grateful for that.

You mentioned that you never thought about involvement with a woman before Reenie. There was something about her that ignited this desire to be with her. Why did you wait so long? Do you regret sharing your feelings post what transpired? I firmly believe that we come to terms with our truth, whatever that truth is, when we are ready. For some reason, I wasn’t ready until I was! I have absolutely no regrets about sharing my feelings with Reenie, despite that being one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had. I’m now living my best life—and without taking that step, I can’t imagine I’d be where I am today.

If your husband didn't go on that trip, do you think you would've had the courage to liberate your truth? Do you think you would've come out had you not met Reenie? I’ve certainly asked myself some of these “what if” questions! Through the process of writing my memoir,  I looked back on my life and saw plenty of signs that I was attracted to women before Reenie—that being queer was my truth. I’d like to think that my true self would have come out somehow, some way, even if I hadn’t met Reenie.

How do you see life now post coming out? How did your friends and family react to your coming out, and were there any surprising or unexpected responses that you encountered? I feel like I’m finally living fully—that for the first time. my personal and professional lives are aligned. I’m grateful for all the good in my old life, but now there’s a new freedom and lightness I feel being fully myself. The majority of people in my life were supportive when I came out—although as readers will learn in the book, there were some who questioned me and/or did not understand how I could possibly walk away from my very nice established life.

In a time where it's difficult to have a great support system, the Lalas seem to have given you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. From your own journey with therapy and support groups, any recommendations for anyone looking to feel supported? Finding your people, your community, is absolutely essential to any journey that involves a big change. If you know like-minded people in real life, fantastic! Don’t hesitate to lean on them. When I first began questioning my sexual identity, I didn’t know a single other person who was going through what I was going through, which felt very lonely and isolating. I found my community first online, and later in person. Keep looking and reaching out until you find those people! Likely, they will be a lifeline for you, as they were for me.

What advice do you have for others who may be considering coming out later in life? After I came out to myself, I had to decide what to do with this seismic revelation. I spent months searching for an answer that didn’t involve pain–for my husband and my family, and for myself. What I ultimately realized is that there is no answer without pain. There’s pain if you stay in the life you know and there’s pain if you leave. But there is also deep joy on the other side when you are finally living authentically, when you are living fully as yourself. Get support from others—AND trust what you are hearing inside of yourself. And if you’re worried that it’s too late for you to come out, I hope you’ll find inspiration in my story. It’s never too late to live out loud, and it’s never too late for a new beginning.

Where can readers find you to connect with you? Readers find me on Instagram @urstoryfinder and also learn more about me and my book at https://www.yourstoryfinder.com/books.

Learn more about her book:

Suzette Mullen had been raised to play it safe—and she hated causing others pain. With college and law degrees, a kind and successful husband, two thriving adult sons, and an ocean-view vacation home, she lived a life many people would envy. But beneath the happy facade was a woman who watched her friends walk boldly through their lives and wondered what was holding her back from doing the same.

Digging into her past, Suzette uncovered a deeply buried truth: she’d been in love with her best friend—a woman—for nearly two decades—and still was. Leaning into these “unspeakable” feelings would put Suzette’s identity, relationships, and life of privilege at risk—but taking this leap might be her only chance to feel fully alive. As Suzette opened herself up to new possibilities, an unexpected visit to a new city helped her discover who she was meant to be.

Introspective, bittersweet, and empowering, The Only Way Through Is Out is both a coming-out and coming-of-age story, as well as a call to action for every human who is longing to live authentically but is afraid of the cost.

Buy on Amazon | Bookshop.org

Why Avid Readers Make Good Writers by Peter Kageyama

In this essay, multicultural historical crime thriller author Peter Kageyama riffs on why good writers come from avid readers.

According to Stephen King in his famous nonfiction, On Writing, “Writers are readers.”  I completely agree. To me reading is fuel for writing, and this past year I had some great fuel. History buffs, here are some books that fueled not only my writing, but my imagination.

Last Night at the Telegraph Club  is a coming-of-age tale of a young, Chinese American girl in San Francisco in the mid-fifties is not my typical fare, but the culture and time frame were so complimentary to the world I am writing with Kats Takemoto that it truly struck home. Check out this standalone novel by Malinda Lo and you’ll see what I mean.

Fellow Akronite & writer Jim Gardner introduced me to  A Chance to Breathe, his non-fiction history, in which World War I was ending, the Spanish Flu was beginning, and inventor Thomas Edison, industrialists Henry Ford, and Harvey Firestone were leading us into the true beginning of the American century.

A friend recommended an outstanding series set in Northern Ireland at the height of The Troubles. I’ve spent time in Northern Ireland and have friends on both sides of the conflict and Adrian McKinty’s  Sean Duffy series helped me better understand what they all went through.

For my own work, The Monuments Men and Saving Italy by Robert Edsel served as core research for the forthcoming third book in my Kats Takemoto series. These are the inspiring true stories of the Monuments, Fine Arts and Antiquities officers who saved so much art and culture during World War II.  

Those are just a few highlights from 2023. Which stories and writers have inspired and improved your writing? You never know what story, what character or what little known fact could be the key to unlocking your next great book.

Ohio native Peter Kageyama is a third generation Japanese American, and the author of four nonfiction books on cities and urban affairs. The second novel in his Kats Takemoto private eye adventure series was published last month. In addition to writing, Peter enjoys board gaming, comic books and classic rock. He lives in downtown St. Petersburg, Florida with his wife, award-winning architect Lisa Wannemacher and their dog Dobby. 

About Midnight Climax:
Kats Takemoto, the nisei private detective from Hunters Point, returns to investigate the murder of a young Chinese girl, killed in a covert CIA brothel in the heart of San Francisco. Her family, members of a Tong, a powerful Chinatown gang, demand vengeance that threatens to start an all-out war in Chinatown unless Kats can discover the truth behind the slaying. Along the way, he will discover a personal connection to the suspected killer, a fellow veteran who was tortured and experimented on, turning him into a lethal weapon and a ticking bomb. Kats and his friends race to find this soldier before the government and the rival Tong gangs spiral into more bloodshed.

Buy on Amazon | Bookshop.org

Read an excerpt from the book: https://peterkageyama.com/excerpt/

Enter to win a signed paperback for U. S. residents until 2/13/24!

Q&A with Jennifer Wilck, Home for the Challah Days

Tell us about your main characters- what makes them tick?

Sarah is all about trying to mesh what she thinks she wants with what her heart is telling her. She’s been focused on being successful and getting ahead for so long, she’s forgotten or ignored the values she was raised with, and coming home brings that all back.

Aaron is all about family and responsibility. He takes it seriously, sometimes to the detriment of himself. He has to learn to accept change, especially in himself, and to depend on others.

How did you come up with the title of your first novel?

My agent and I worked on this title for a long time. We wanted something attention-grabbing and fun. My editor told me it was what made her open the file to begin with, and once she started reading, she couldn’t stop. I was surprised, and pleased, that Harlequin agreed to keep it. In fact, the title has been getting a lot of attention, and Fated Mates podcast just talked about how much they liked it in their Best Titles of Summer episode.

Who designed your book covers?

Harlequin designed it. I filled out their enormous art form, describing my characters and setting, and then their cover designers go to work.

If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?

No, honestly, I love it. It went through a ton of editing to find a home, and no matter how hard that work was, it was worth it in the end. I can’t wait for readers to discover Aaron and Sarah.

Did you learn anything during the writing of your recent book?

I had to figure out a way to tackle a tough subject—antisemitism—in such a way as to keep readers engaged.

If your book was made into a film, who would you like to play the lead?

Scott Patterson and Olivia Munn.

If you could spend time with a character from your book who would it be? And what would you do during that day?

Grandma Sadie. She’s a hoot—she listens to rap music, rules the roost in her senior living facility, and gives great advice. I think we’d go out for lunch, maybe hit a museum or two, and possibly shop.

Are your characters based off real people or did they all come entirely from your imagination?

Entirely from my imagination.

Do your characters seem to hijack the story, or do you feel like you have the reigns of the story?

They definitely hijack the story. I have a really hard time writing from an outline for that reason. In fact, if given my choice, I let the characters tell the story as they want to, and then when I go back to edit the book, then I create the outline. Making an outline after I’ve written the first draft helps me make sure the story has a beginning, middle, and end, the characters have a story arc, and that I didn’t change anyone’s hair color in the middle of the book.

Is there a writer which brain you would love to pick for advice? Who would that be and why?

Nora Roberts. She’s got such class, she’s an amazing writer, and she just owns it. I want to be like her, or at least sit down to coffee with her and have a fangirl moment or three.

About Home for the Challah Days:

Turning the bitterness of the past…

Into a sweet future!

When big-city advocate Sarah Abrams returns home for the High Holy Days, she’s got a lot on her mind—especially whether to marry her perfect-on-paper boyfriend. The last person she wants to encounter is Aaron Isaacson, her first love and the one who broke her heart. But after Aaron and Sarah join forces to fight an act of hate, it’s clear that their deep connection never abated. If only they could forgive one another for the past…in time for a sweet new start!

From Harlequin Special Edition: Believe in love. Overcome obstacles. Find happiness.

Buy on Amazon | Bookshop.org

Q&A with Melissa Giberson, Late Bloomer

What was your main motivation for writing “Late Bloomer,” and what do you hope that readers will take away from reading it? 

My motivation for writing Late Bloomer was born of the many times someone told me that my story was helpful to them. Early in my journey, women who were on the other side of their own journey showed up to help me and I want to do that for others as well. Writing a book enables me to reach more people. I hope readers come away from reading my book with the knowledge that they’re not alone – whether they’re just starting their journey or on the other side and hearing a story that resonates and validates their experience. I want people to know that there is an “other” side.

Your children were a primary concern for you when you decided to come out. What was it like to come out to your kids? How has your relationship with them changed and strengthened? 

I was terrified of hurting my children, that they would hate me for changing their story. Telling them was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s a challenging situation but I knew that not pursuing an authentic life would have hurt them because kids are intuitive. I had, and continue to have, wonderful adventures with my kids and because of everything we’ve been through, I work harder to make sure I always show up for them. I’m so proud of my kids and it’s my hope that I make them proud as well.

What was it like diving back into dating and dating women for the first time in your 40’s? 

I didn’t do much dating before my ex and I became a couple (we were very young), so it didn’t feel like returning to dating in my forties, it felt like engaging in something entirely foreign to me. It was awkward and I didn’t like it but I also knew that I wanted to ultimately have the experience of being in a relationship with a woman. I learned by asking questions of a friend who was in a same-sex marriage and observing couples I met in the community.

How did the stigma of being a “late bloomer” in the queer community impact you? What was the rationale for titling the book after this stigma? 

It was stunning the first time a woman said I was taboo, that women would run from me. I wasn’t prepared for the various types of discrimination that can exist within the LGBTQ community—that it was no different than any other ethnic, socioeconomic, or religious group in which members of the community may be deemed “less than” based on any number of variables. I have come to embrace being a late bloomer and want to celebrate that people come into their own aptitude, and self-awareness, at various times and in variable ways.

How did your Jewish identity impact your coming out? In what ways did that community support you? 

My earliest supporters were Jewish and there was a sense of comfort in that, a common ground as I was struggling with planning for my daughter’s bat mitzvah, a major milestone for her at the beginning of my crisis. At a time when my world was undergoing such drastic change, having this one familiar thread was helpful. I was invited to attend services and events within the Jewish community and found solace in some of the teachings found in Judaism.

About Late Bloomer

Melissa Giberson is a middle-aged suburban wife and mother of two kids, solidly planted in the life she’s always wanted. Yet she longs for something more—something she can’t quite put her finger on until, one day at the Y, she finds herself mesmerized by the sight of a naked woman and asks herself for the first time: Am I gay?

This revelation sends Melissa on a head-spinning journey of self-discovery, one that challenges everything she thinks she knows about herself, forces her to decide exactly how much she’s willing to risk for authenticity, and shakes the foundations of the family she’s fiercely determined to shield from the kinds of wounds she sustained during her own childhood. Torn between her desire to be true to herself and her desire to protect her children, she is consumed by fear and conflicting emotions—and when her husband unexpectedly serves her divorce papers, her confusion only deepens.

Adrift in uncharted waters, Melissa finds fragments of understanding and peace in unexpected places—in a conference room in Israel, a small fishing village in Cape Cod, and at a yoga retreat center—that help her deconstruct her preconceptions about faith and identity and begin to construct a new framework for her life. Over the course of her ten-year journey, she finds hope, love, and more courage than she ever knew she was capable of, and she gradually assembles the puzzle that is her—the real her.

Grab your copy on Amazon

About Melissa Giberson

Melissa Giberson: Melissa is a native New Yorker who identifies as a late bloomer, a highly sensitive introvert, and proud mama bear to two children. An occupational therapist and writer, she has published articles in Kveller, Dorothy Parker’s Ashes, and Highly Sensitive Refuge. She received an Honorable Mention in the Memoirs/Personal Essays category of the 91st Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition and her essay, “Art is the Antidote,” appears in the anthology, Art in The Time of Unbearable Crisis (June, 2022). Melissa’s debut book, “Late Bloomer: Finding My Authentic Self at Midlife” (She Writes Press) comes out August, 2023. Melissa is living her authentic life with her partner and their two cats; together, they split their time between New Jersey and Provincetown, Massachusetts. Find out more at her website.