Review: Leaving by Kanchan Bhaskar
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Summary
Raised by two loving parents in New Delhi, India, Kanchan Bhaskar has always been taught that marriage means companionship, tenderness, and mutual respect--so when she enters into an arranged marriage, this is the kind of partnership she anticipates with her new, seemingly wonderful, husband. But after they marry, she quickly discovers that his warmth is deceptive--that the man beneath the bright, charming façade is actually a narcissistic, alcoholic, and violent man.
Trapped in a nightmare, Kanchan pleads with her husband to seek help for his issues, but he refuses. Meanwhile, Indian law is not on her side, and as the years pass, she finds herself with three children to protect--three children she fears she will lose custody of if she leaves. Almost overnight, she finds herself transformed into a tigress who will do whatever it takes to protect her cubs, and she becomes determined to free them from their toxic father. But it's not until many years later, when the family of five moves from India to the United States, that Kanchan is presented with a real opportunity to leave him--and she takes it.
Chronicling Kanchan's gradual climb out of the abyss, little by little, day by day, Leaving is the empowering story of how--buoyed by her deep faith in a higher power and single-minded in her determination to protect her children best--she fought relentlessly to build a ramp toward freedom from her abuser. In this memoir, Kanchan clearly lays out the tools and methods she utilized in her pursuit of liberation--and reveals how belief in self and belief in the Universe can not only be weapons of escape but also beautiful foundations for a triumphant, purpose-driven life.
Review
When it comes to domestic violence, we often question the victim as to why they stay or not leave. Despite how we on the outside feel, we’ll never be in their shoes, unless we experience the same. As we see in her empowering memoir, it’s not about will but building the courage and strength to fight for the right to live a life deserved for yourself and your children.
I knew going into this book that it was going to be tough. Any story that shares the experience of a victim of domestic violence, reliving their experience is hard on the emotions especially coming from a society where it's acceptable towards women. As a Westerner, it's important to read these experiences with an open mind. It's so important for their voices to be heard and their experiences shared for understanding and compassion under the restraints of cultural differences.
We hear often of abuse in patriarchal cultures but never see someone breaking through the chains of captivity. Their voices are usually silent, stifled by the accepted cultural norms. Her experience, despite her progressive background, found herself stuck in an abusive relationship, where she felt trapped not only by her circumstances but the traditional laws that left her feeling isolated and ashamed. It wasn't until her children came along that pushed herself deep within to fight not only for them but the life they all deserved to live. Her courage and strength to keep going especially during her setbacks made her stronger pushing her to keep going despite what got thrown her way.
Her experience touched my heart beyond words. Her wonderful family, no matter how many times she tried to leave her abusive relationship and went back, they never turned their back on her and always had their hearts and doors open. Despite her insurmountable obstacles, this was a battle only she could win. Holding on to her faith and the love of her children, the path she carved to break those chains was inspiring, empowering and relatable to any women who thinks she can't do it, she fought to choose life and won.
Overall, this was a wonderful read that I recommend adding to your list. Domestic violence affects so many people and the more shared experiences of survival that can inspire, the more people can rebuild their lives and start a new chapter.
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