Q&A with Sarah May, She Journeys

She Journeys is such a deeply personal memoir. What was the turning point when you knew you were ready to put your story into words?

The honest answer is that it wasn’t so much a personal turning point as it was the changing of life circumstances that aligned to give me the time and space to finally write She Journeys. I knew I wanted to write a book about my divorce and subsequent healing from the beginning, but it would take seven years to even begin that process. Life was busy, I was working three jobs and had very little free time. It wasn’t until I left those jobs, sold my belongings, moved into a van I built with my partner, and set out on the road that everything changed. I discovered that for me, creativity required openness, space, inspiration. Van life gave me that. I’ve now lived in the van full time for the last five years, four of which were spent writing and editing this book from America’s public lands. I felt a deep level of safety living in a home I built and loved, being held and inspired by nature, being in a loving, respectful partnership, and having amazing support in the form of healers and teachers; all which allowed me to go to hard places and tell the story I knew I had to tell.   

Writing about infidelity, divorce, and trauma can reopen wounds. How did you balance honesty with protecting your emotional well-being while writing? What was the most challenging chapter to write? How did you decide to keep private vs public?

Writing memoir is not only to remember, but in some cases, to relive. Revisiting the past was painful and there were many triggering, difficult moments. But I had the safety, support, and tools to navigate the emotions, pain, and shame. Cracking open old journals and cringing at my own codependence, dysfunction, and denial, watching or listening to interviews from the time of the helicopter crash, it all brought up so much, but this time I had the space, perspective, and ability to navigate it. When it got to be too much, I took breaks and sought support. The hardest chapter to write (and read out loud for the audiobook) was Chapter 12 titled Terror. It was my intention to be as honest, raw, and vulnerable as possible so I shared almost everything except details that would infringe on my ex-husband’s identity or privacy. 

Your book explores the shattering of expectations. Looking back, what expectations were the hardest to release—and which became the most liberating?

When I was married at twenty-one, I truly believed I’d found my soul mate, my forever person, my life partner. I expected him to honor his wedding vows and I expected to be in a relationship of loyalty, trust, and love. But in just two short years, I would come to see that words mean little and that behavior is the best testament to someone’s character. So ultimately marriage, this thing I expected to be wonderful turned out to be the most painful and debilitating experience of my life. A living nightmare. That was hard to grieve and a hard dream to let die. I held on for a long time. Learning that love does not mean pain and betrayal isn’t a reflection of self-worth was liberating, but it came at a big cost. 

You describe healing through therapy, spirituality, travel, and even living in a van. Which of these experiences most surprised you in how transformative it became?

All of them! In their own ways each of these aspects of my life were deeply transformative and healing, but in different capacities; many of which I didn’t anticipate at the outset, but discovered along the way. Stepping into a yoga studio and fumbling my way through class taught me that I was stronger than I knew. Travelling across the country showed me how capable I was and how reminded me of how beautiful life can be, how good it can feel. Therapy taught me how to name my emotions, to process in a healthy way, and to address the trauma, pain and stories of the past. Van life gifted me the time and space to finally write my book, to slow down, and to enjoy life. Plant medicine has helped me heal somatically and psychically in ways that continue to blow me away. I believe that there are so many paths to healing. There’s no “one size fits all” or one right way. Whatever resonates or helps may be different for each of us, but the healing path is the most important one we can take.  

“From wounds to wisdom” is such a powerful phrase. What does wisdom look like for you today compared to when you began your journey?

I love that expression, because I truly believe that if we can take our wounds and make some kind of meaning, or take some kind of learning then we are choosing to be more powerful than our pain. Taking personal responsibility for my life, my happiness, and my healing was a pivotal moment for me – asking “what role did I play in my own suffering?” changed everything. Instead of blame and victimhood, I began to tell a different story – a more empowered one. I have a lot of compassion for the girl who was stuck in the story of her wounds after so much heartbreak, but I have even more respect for the woman who chose to find freedom, peace, and forgiveness. Hers is story I’m most proud to tell. 

How did traveling across the country change your relationship with yourself?

I was twenty-three when I packed up my car and set out on the road during my divorce. I was still numb from shock and trauma and depression, but that trip became the foundation for my new life. Having experiences (even if they were scary and vulnerable) like camping alone, backpacking, and travelling solo were so empowering and showed me how capable and strong I was after feeling so devastated. The road gave me space to reflect and process, nature gave me inspiration and wonder, my body carried me to some amazing places. Whether it was a campfire under the stars or swinging in my hammock strung between pines, I slowly came back online and fell back in love with life. Most importantly, I awoke to the possibility of a future that could be so much brighter and lighter than the past I left behind. 

Your story is both deeply personal and universally relatable. What do you hope readers—especially women navigating heartbreak—take away from your journey?

I wrote a book that would have given me hope in the midst of my heartbreak. Pain can be isolating, and trauma can be so disempowering. I hope that my story can help other women feel less alone and to maybe even be inspired about the life that could be waiting. My own heartbreak was the gateway to deeper homecoming. 

If a reader walked away remembering only one lesson from She Journeys, what would you want it to be?

It never matters how we begin again. Only that we do. When our lives fall apart or we lose what we think is our “everything” and we aren’t sure how to go on; the only thing that matters is that we do. We pick ourselves up off the floor, we get out of bed, we leave the relationship, we take the next breath, put one foot in front of the other. It doesn’t matter how messy or imperfect we are or how many mistakes we make, the only thing that matters is that we have the courage to embark on the journey ahead. There is always hope. Always. 

Finally, as you look ahead beyond this memoir, what parts of your own story are still unfolding—and how do you see your path forward?

I’m still on the road and loving van life with my now-husband who is also an author (Andrew Singer who wrote Now Is the Time: A Van Life Road Trip). We are on an independent bookstore tour promoting our books, meeting amazing people, and sharing our stories. It’s been an amazing year finally putting She Journeys out into the world, but I’m looking ahead to what might come next. I’m excited to share healing offerings like workshops based on themes in the book, a Divorce Ritual, and private sessions to support others on their own journeys of healing and transformation. I’m dreaming up the next book and the next adventure! 

About her latest book, She Journeys:

Few things can shatter our hearts like expectations. Sarah expected to live happily ever after. She expected her husband to honor his vows. She expected his military helicopter to land safely. But when the unimaginable occurred and her world unraveled completely, the undoing of her expectations left her on her knees, fighting for her life. To save herself, Sarah packed her car, and set out to hike across the country. But pain, codependence, and trauma challenged her as she moved forward. Her journey took her from a sailboat to a yoga studio, from a therapist’s couch to a shaman’s ceremony; eventually selling everything and moving into a van, Sarah rebuilt, from the inside out. “She Journeys” is a testament to the transformative power of healing. From darkness to light, from a marriage ended to a life reclaimed, we are reminded that it never matters how we begin. Only that we do. From wounds to wisdom, She is every woman who must find her way from heartbreak to homecoming.

Buy on Amazon | Bookshop.org

Get to know Sarah:

Sarah May is a yoga instructor, Reiki healer, and intuitive. She provides her clients with powerful practices and healing insights from the studio to private sessions, retreats, and women’s circles. Sarah received her Master of Science in Conflict Analysis and Resolution and previously managed a non-profit. “She Journeys” is her debut memoir. In 2020, she and her husband—fellow author Andrew Singer—converted a cargo van and hit the road. They spend their time exploring and writing across America’s public lands. When not on wheels, Houston and San Diego are her homebase. Learn more at: www.shejourneys.us