Excerpt Reveal: Bad For You by J.Daniels

He didn't want to be bad. He just didn't have a choice...
Shayla Perkins isn't the kind of girl who makes the same mistake twice, especially when it comes to Sean "Stitch" Molina. So when he gives her the world's biggest rejection, that's it--she's done. Until the sexy, silent, unavailable Sean makes Shay a very personal offer. Of course, it still doesn't mean he's interested in her. Or does it?
 
Sean has done things in life. Bad things. And he's paid the price. All he wants now is to make up for his past by doing good in the present. And no one deserves more good than Shay. Beautiful on the inside and out, Shay is the kind of woman who should be cared for and protected--especially from a man like Sean. He's tried to keep his feelings for her in check, but a single, reckless impulse pulls them closer than ever before.
 
Soon the two are sharing their biggest dreams and satisfying their deepest desires. But what will happen if the only way to truly give each other what they want most...is to let each other go?

Excerpt

Chapter One

Shayla

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to lie to Gladys or Dorothy, whatever this sweet old lady’s name was seated in my section, and say we were fresh out of ranch dressing, and the little cup of it that came with her large garden salad was the last drop. If I didn’t and obliged her request, it would mean walking back over to the kitchen window I avoided like the plague and speaking to him—Sean “Stitch” Molina. The keeper of the dressings. The cook at Whitecaps Restaurant. He hoarded the ranch back there, and the only way to get more of it was with words.

And we didn’t do words anymore. Not as of eight months ago.

So, instead of doing my job as a waitress, I contemplated the dishonest route, which could very well get me fired.

Was I willing to roll those dice? Maybe. It might be worth a shot. My boss, Nate, could overlook my wrongdoing. He was understanding enough.

We’re fresh out of ranch, I could tell the lady. And all other dressings, for that matter. I am so sorry. Could I maybe get you another refill? Or something else not located in the kitchen?

I thought on this plan—it could work. Maybe she would believe me. Or maybe she would rethink her request and decide she no longer needed more dressing.

Help a fellow woman out here, Millie. Christ.

“I just need a little bit more,” the lady requested with a gentle smile. “Would you be a dear? I won’t trouble you for anything else, I promise.”

“Of course,” I replied, the response compulsively leaving my tongue. I couldn’t fight it. I couldn’t lie. I’d feel terrible.

Besides, this was my job. If someone requested more ranch dressing, I got them more ranch dressing, even if it meant speaking to the man I was completely and pathetically infatuated with, no matter how badly it hurt me to do so.

I gave the lady a smile in return before moving away.

My steps were slow as I weaved between tables and headed toward the kitchen. I tried to keep my head down, to focus on the tile floor disappearing beneath my feet, but I couldn’t.

I had to look.

Who was I kidding? I wanted to look.

As I approached, Tori was leaning close to the window that separated Sean’s domain from everyone else’s. She slid two plates of food off the ledge, commenting, “Looks good. Thanks, Stitch,” before walking off to deliver her orders, winking at me as she passed.

Sean only went by Stitch when he was here, I was assuming. I wouldn’t know for sure since I’d never spent any time with him outside of work. It was a nickname Tori and I had given him when he’d cut himself a bunch of times during his first week on the job, and he didn’t seem to mind being called that.

Back then, he didn’t seem to mind a lot of things, like listening to me talk and talk about anything and everything, putting my problems on him in between waiting tables, my stresses, my fears, needing a person to vent to and him being the only person I wanted to vent to because of the way he listened and looked at me.

No one had ever seemed so interested in what I had to say before.

Like what I was saying meant everything to them. Like it was a privilege just to listen.

And no one had ever looked at me the way Sean did—glances that only ever lasted a few seconds at a time, but those few seconds of eye contact—holy crap. I thought my skin was going to combust it would tingle and heat up so quickly. The man had a stare unlike any stare. Equal parts intense and intimidating. But his eyes, sweet mother of God, his eyes were unreal, this rich, golden copper color. And when they were on you, you didn’t just see that beauty—you felt it.

It was a two-punch combo that turned me into a puddle. No man had ever affected me that way before.

And that effect wasn’t going away. I was still feeling it.

Even now with us not speaking to each other, or rather, with me not speaking and him not listening, I still couldn’t get Sean out of my head. I missed what we used to have, yes, but it was more than that. It was so much more.

A man I barely knew, who seldom spoke, and who had never showed interest in me in that way had somehow taken hold of my heart and twisted it all up. I didn’t understand how it had happened, I just knew it happened.

Pathetic, right?

I reached the counter silently, which was a miracle considering how loud my heart sounded in my ears. Keeping my breathing quiet, I looked through that window and peered into the kitchen.

Sean had his back to me as he flipped burgers and stirred something in a pot. I allowed my eyes to travel the length of him, something I hardly ever let myself do anymore. We shared quick glances now, that was it.

Sean was well over six feet tall—way taller than me. His back was broad. His hair was long, a beautiful caramel color, and almost always pulled back; his arms were covered in tattoos and roped in muscle; and he had a thick, short beard that hid what I just knew was a strong jaw.

Sean was beautiful. And he was intimidating. Not just how he looked, but how he acted too.

He smoked. He drove a motorcycle. He never smiled. He rarely said a word. Everything about Sean said leave me alone, but eight months ago I couldn’t.

And eight months ago, I didn’t think he wanted me to.

I thought that was why he looked at me the way he did and listened so well. I wasn’t even nervous when I finally asked him out after hearing about a local party. I was excited.

I wanted Sean. I wanted to kiss him and touch him and God, hear his voice more. I had gotten so little of it. I wanted to do everything with him. And I thought we would. I thought we’d go to that party together as friends and leave as something more.

But Sean wasn’t interested in the more I’d been after. He wasn’t interested in me at all.

Now, that was perfectly clear.

Sensing me, or maybe he was finished minding the burgers and whatever he was stirring in the pot—I didn’t know for sure, since I was still letting my eyes wander—Sean spun around and stepped forward, snapping my gaze off his body in a panic. Our eyes met.

Mine widened.

His narrowed angrily, like I’d pissed him off and he hated me for it, and further hated me for catching him pissed off about it.

I didn’t understand that look, but no way was I asking about it. I was doing what I came over here to do, and then, hopefully, staying far away from this window the rest of the day.

Maybe I could convince Tori to put in my orders.

“My lady needs more ranch,” I informed Sean, swallowing thickly when my voice came out sounding stressed and distorted. “Could I get a little more for her?”

Sean’s gaze lowered to my mouth like he was waiting for more words, which didn’t make sense to me, until I considered the one word I left off he was most likely waiting for.

“Please?” I added.

His eyes lifted to mine and stayed narrowed. His nostrils flared. His jaw set.

I almost apologized for being polite and for not lying to that woman about our condiment supply. Things were so awkward now, I couldn’t stand it. I missed how easy this used to be.

Memories flooded my mind in an onslaught as I stood there waiting, and my back stiffened. I pictured Sean watching me with care and concern. I remembered the smiles behind his beard I used to catch, and the way his eyes would follow me through the restaurant and brighten when I would wave. We were friends. I wanted to scream at him for ruining that. I wanted to scream at myself for still caring. What was wrong with me? He had completely shut me out. We were nothing now. We were this.

But with a quick hand, Sean snatched a dressing cup off the shelf and ladled some ranch into it before I spoke another word. He sat the cup on the ledge, removing his hand before our fingers touched, and briskly turned back to the grill without giving me another glance.

“Thank you,” I mumbled at his back, turning before I lingered another second.

He shut me out. I needed to do the same to him.

I delivered the cup of ranch to the sweet old lady, picked up a check for a table who didn’t wait for change, and took care of their tab at the register. Then because I didn’t have any other tables needing anything from me at the moment, I moved to a vacant booth far away from that window and busied myself filling ketchup bottles.

The next time anyone needed extra dressing, I’d send Tori.

 

Three Days Later

I am getting one of everything.

Twisting the dial on the radio, I quieted the music I was listening to when the truck ahead of me pulled forward, allowing room for my Civic to squeeze up next to the speaker.

Mouth already salivating, I rolled my window down.

“Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?”

My stomach growled as I surveyed my choices.

I eyed the fiesta taco salad. The quesarito. The never-ending list of combos and the specialty options. Everything intrigued my taste buds.

I stuck my head out the window and directed my order at the speaker. “Can I have a number six, please? Chicken supreme with a soft taco? And a Mountain Dew.”

“That’ll be six fifty-seven at the second window, please.”

I couldn’t pull forward yet, so I kept my foot on the brake, and just as I was about to roll up my window to keep the cool March air from filling up my car any more, a song I knew and loved began playing low through the speakers.

I had no idea what the name of the song was or who sang it, but I knew every single word. And this was not a song you didn’t crank up and sing along to with your windows down.

Fingers twisting the dial until music poured out of my car, I started moving my hips in time with the beat and smacking the steering wheel, eyes closing and fingers snapping as the lyrics left my mouth.

“Oh oh oh oh oh oh,

You don't have to go, oh oh oh oh oh

You don't have to go, oh oh oh oh oh

You don't have to gooo.”

The drum kicked up. I shook my head and felt pieces of my short, dark hair lash against my cheeks.

The girl giggled through the speaker.

Smiling and not feeling one bit of shy about the audience I was entertaining, I leaned halfway out the window and sang to her as loud as I could, reaching and pointing like she was front row at my concert.

“Ay ay ay ay ay ay

All those tears I cry, ay ay ay ay

All those tears I cry, oh oh ah ay

Baby, please don't goooo.”

She laughed harder this time, whooping and cheering me on.

“How’s that?” I asked. “Think I got a career in singing if all my other options fall through?”

“You bet!” the girl yelled. “That was sick!”

Giggling at myself, I sat back in the seat and turned the volume down halfway, noticing through the windshield the space between the truck in front of me and the car in front of it.

My eyes narrowed. I beeped twice. I was starving, and this was not the time to be messing around. What was this person doing?

The truck jerked forward, gears grinding over the music, loud enough I actually cringed. It was an old, beat-up Chevy, covered in dirt and rusted all along the back, with most of the paint chipped off and the muffler barely hanging on by a thread. The well loved and very well used vehicle was probably on its last leg, as was the worn smiley-face sticker half peeled from the bumper, leaving only one eye and half a mouth showing.

That thing had definitely seen better days.

Staring at all that rust, I had a moment of panic when I imagined the truck dying on its owner and blocking my path. Come hell or high water, I’d get my chalupas. Though I really didn’t feel like stepping out of my car and walking inside where the lunch rush sat. I was wearing sweats covered in bleach stains, a baggy sweatshirt, zero makeup, and not a lick of dry shampoo. No way was I presentable for the public yet.

This was why God invented drive-throughs and curbside service—so women like me could sleep in on their days off and rush out the door when a hankering hit without even bothering to glance at themselves in a mirror.

But when the truck made it up to the window to pay without a hitch or stall, most of that panic left me.

And when the driver pulled away after collecting their order and turned out onto highway, all of that panic left me.

I rubbed my hands together. Come to Momma.

“Hello!” I greeted the young girl with a smile and a wave, feeling like we had one of those lifelong friendship connections since I’d just serenaded her.

Grabbing my bag off the floor in front of the passenger seat, I dug around for my wallet.

“No need for that!” she said, turning my head and pausing my search. “That guy just totally paid for you. God…I love it when that happens. It doesn’t happen enough. It’s such a treat!”

I sat up and looked at her more fully. “What? What guy?”

“The guy in the truck.”

“Really?”

Nobody had ever done that for me before, and I used drive-throughs a lot. Well, shit on my head. My first random act of kindness, and I had rushed the poor thing along.

I suddenly felt bad for beeping.

“Yep,” the girl said, smacking her gloss-covered lips. “He asked me how much your order was and gave me enough to cover you both. And he wasn’t bad looking either.”

I leaned closer to the window, my interest in this mystery man spiking off the charts. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. He had that dark, smoldering look about him. Real sexy.”

Nice.

“Did he say anything? Leave his number on a napkin or something?”

“No.” She shrugged. “Just paid for you and left. He acted in a rush.” The girl turned to pack up my order.

Huh.

If he was interested, he would’ve gone beyond just paying for my food. I would think he would’ve at least waited before speeding out of here—at least pulled over and given me opportunity to thank him.

Maybe he was just doing a good deed?

Letting myself think on that, I smiled and took my drink. “I’d like to pay it forward. How much is the person’s order behind me? I’ll take care of them,” I said while blindly digging my wallet out of my bag.

“Really?” The girl clapped her hands together and squealed. “This is awesome! And they say there’s no good people left in the world.”

I laughed and made a face like I was agreeing with her, though I really didn’t. I knew a lot of good people. Dogwood Beach was full of them.

And I was blessed to have a lot of those people in my tribe, supporting me, giving me friendship and love, and others, not necessarily in my tribe, but around me enough I got to see their good.

Still, I understood this girl’s excitement. It wasn’t every day a complete stranger did something out of sheer generosity. And selfless to boot. Who didn’t stick around to take credit when credit was due? That was practically unheard of.

It’s funny how a simple gesture can affect you. But kindness was powerful that way. It not only had the ability to alter moods, but it was also infectious. People wanted to spread that good around once they got it put on themselves.

Hell, I was doing it. Maybe the person behind me would do it too, and so on. We could all pay it forward.

Smiling, I thought about that mystery man in the beat-up truck, wondering if he knew just how inspiring he was. How good he was. I hoped someone was telling him.

After safely securing my bag of deliciousness in the front seat, I got the total of the order from the car behind me, paid, got my change, cranked up my stereo again, and sped off, leaving my window cracked so I could serenade Highway 355.

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About the Author

J. Daniels is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the Sweet Addiction series, the Alabama Summer series, and the Dirty Deeds series. 

She would rather bake than cook, she listens to music entirely too loud, and loves writing stories her children will never read. Her husband and children are her greatest loves, with cupcakes coming in at a close second.

J grew up in Baltimore and resides in Maryland with her family.

Connect: Facebook | Twitter: @JDanielsbooks | Instagram: @authorjdaniels | Website

Spotlight: The Stone Series by Dakota Willink and narrated by Lacy Laurel & Jeffrey Kafer

Sometimes the only way to take control is to surrender...

Cole is flawed and damaged from a traumatic experience. A relationship with Alexander Stone will never work. She knows that her capacity for love is limited, and that only she alone can repair the pieces of her shattered heart. But Alexander is everywhere she turns. In her mind. In her heart. And in her soul. She cannot deny him. He is her addiction and she is unable to stay away. 

Alexander Stone has accepted the inevitable. If he wants to hold on to Krystina, he must bare all and release the secrets in his past. There were risks, but she is worth it. No woman has ever affected him the way that she did. She is the sunshine in his darkness. The lightning to his thunder. She is his angel.

Bound by their passion to be together, Alexander and Krystina fight to let go of their pasts. Together, they embark on journey of self-exploration, relying on trust to be their ultimate bond. Falling completely into one another, there finally seems to be a beacon of hope for their future. But as they test their boundaries of desire, fate takes an unexpected turn, threatening their only chance at survival…

The story of Krystina and Alexander continues in Stepping Stone, book two of The Stone Series

Krystina Cole is flawed and damaged from a traumatic experience. A relationship with Alexander Stone will never work. She knows that her capacity for love is limited, and that only she alone can repair the pieces of her shattered heart. But Alexander is everywhere she turns. In her mind. In her heart. And in her soul. She cannot deny him. He is her addiction and she is unable to stay away. 

Alexander Stone has accepted the inevitable. If he wants to hold on to Krystina, he must bare all and release the secrets in his past. There were risks, but she is worth it. No woman has ever affected him the way that she did. She is the sunshine in his darkness. The lightning to his thunder. She is his angel. 

Bound by their passion to be together, Alexander and Krystina fight to let go of their pasts. Together, they embark on journey of self-exploration, relying on trust to be their ultimate bond. Falling completely into one another, there finally seems to be a beacon of hope for their future. But as they test their boundaries of desire, fate takes an unexpected turn, threatening their only chance at survival…

Excerpt

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About the Author: Dakota Willink

Dakota Willink is a contemporary romance writer and editor, and the author of The Stone Series. She is an associate member of Romance Writers of America and a Readers’ Favorite International Book Awards winner.

Dakota has always had a passion for reading and writing. From the time she was an adolescent, she enjoyed curling up with a good paperback, reading genres that ranged from thriller and fantasy, to mystery and romance. She always dreamed of one day writing her own book, but had put her aspirations on hold to focus on her family and a career that would pay the bills. However, her heart continued to be with fictional characters – whether they belonged to a favorite author or if they were just stories that she made up in her own head.  

In 2013, Dakota gathered enough courage to turn her dreams into a reality. In between playing chauffeur to two very busy children and working her job during the day, Dakota began to put words on paper. Eventually, she began to describe her life as a book. Everything she saw or heard throughout the day, intertwined with her imagination for the creation of future writings. By 2014, with the support of her husband and two children, she gave up the security of a steady paycheck and began working on her first novel full time.

Her first novel, Heart of Stone, was published in December of 2015. Less than a year after its release, the Readers’ Favorite International Book Awards recognized Heart of Stone as the 2016 Bronze Medalist in the romance category.

Dakota resides in the Western New York area, where she enjoys spending time with family, her two Labrador Retrievers, and her spoiled rotten cat. During the summer months, she can often be found soaking up the sun on the Great Lakes with her family.

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About the Narrator: Lacy Laurel

Lacy lives the life of a full time wife, mother and household manager. Needing a temporary escape from time to time Lacy returned back to her first love - reading! After devouring everything she could get her hands on she thought, -what if she could mix her love of performance and literature in a professional capacity? Once getting involved in the world of book narration she quickly became hooked and when not with her family you can find her in her studio working hard to grow in her own storytelling abilities.

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Spotlight: The Second Window by Erica Kiefer

The Second Window
Erica Kiefer
Published by: CTP Pulse
Publication date: December 5th 2017
Genres: Romance, Suspense, Young Adult

As her senior year flies by on cruise control, seventeen-year-old Olivia Cole yearns for excitement—something her upscale private school no longer provides. Her job as a grocery store bagger isn’t much help…until the day she has a bizarre exchange with the cagey town recluse. When the woman abruptly surrenders to the police, Olivia feels compelled to dig deeper into her perplexing story. But the investigation stalls when Olivia receives another piece of news—Andre Steele, the golden boy of Westmont and her previous tormentor, has unexpectedly returned from his four-year stay in Brazil—and the whole school is buzzing! All at once, Olivia’s dull and predictable life is uprooted, and she wonders if “boring” was so bad after all.

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EXCERPT:

A stranger to me, I knew nothing about Jodie except that she lived on the outskirts of town. People referred to her as a hermit because she rarely ventured from her home, and when she did, it seemed only long enough to purchase groceries. She was nobody important to me—just the occasional name carried through the wind when there was nothing else to talk about. However, like clockwork, I bagged her scant items every Thursday at four PM. The odd interactions I’d have with the woman would sometimes be the most interesting part of my shift at Wayland’s, a discounted store that served as employment during the summer, and now into my senior year.

I met her eyes again, which seemed to never leave mine, peering at me with an intense silence that I couldn’t explain. She didn’t frighten me, exactly. On the contrary, there was a meekness about her that suggested her gentle nature. While she hardly smiled, she didn’t have a mean face. It was more like the bland expression of a person who had little to smile about. Yet I wondered at her reservation, certain she had more to say than she ever allowed.

Jodie’s slender fingers pulled cash from her wallet and she handed over the bills. When she turned to me once more, her teary eyes alarmed me. She swallowed hard, like she was washing down emotions that rose against her will.

“Are… are you okay?” I asked, hesitating as I placed her grocery bags into the cart. Her hand fell swiftly on top of mine, squeezing my palm. Startled by the sudden physical contact, I jerked my hand away. I regretted my actions the moment her expression shifted.

Eyes wide, she shook her head, her mouth opening as though horrified by her behavior. A tear slid down her cheek, and she brushed it away in haste. “I’m sorry.” Sniffling, she snatched her three bags from the cart and scurried toward the exit. “Hey!” I called after her. I exchanged a look of confusion with Marlene before following Jodie to the automatic sliding doors. “Wait! It’s Jodie, right?” She paused, sniffing once more. She looked back at me over her shoulder, eyes red and sorrowful. “Um, can I help you to your car? I really should have double-bagged that one.” I pointed to the bulging bag containing the heavy soups, grasping for an excuse to stall her from leaving.

The tiniest smile crept along the corners of her mouth. Her green eyes brightened beneath the sheen of tears. Relieved, I smiled back. Her next words fell from her lips in a low, quiet tone. “You take care of yourself.” Then she walked out into the cool air.

I stood there perplexed, watching this strange woman escape to the parking lot. Jodie had been a consistent presence in my life for months now, a once-a-week visit in which she spoke no more than a murmured, Thank you. Why did I feel a sudden permanence to her goodbye?

A familiar female voice called out from behind me. “I need a bagger on lane three please!”

I rolled my eyes and flipped around to see my friend Jordyn standing at the other end of the store, hollering into her cupped hands. I glanced at Marlene. My grey-haired co-worker pushed out her lips with a frown, throwing a hand onto her plump hip. I cringed and held up my index finger. “One minute,” I mouthed, and hurried toward Jordyn before she could garner anymore unwanted attention from my employers.

“You know Marlene hates when you stop by, right?” I said to my best friend. She beamed confidence at me with her wide smile, her lips stained in a bright coral that I could never pull off. Though only one-eighth Native American, the tan skin she’d inherited helped her get away with wearing colorful makeup combinations that I would never attempt on my fair skin. Jordyn also relished in the theatrics that I shied away from.

“I’m a paying customer,” she said, grabbing a box of powdered donuts off the shelf. She held them up to make her point, waving wildly at Marlene’s scowling face. Jordyn raised her voice again, like she was hollering at the deaf elderly. “She’s just gonna bag these for me and I’ll be on my way!”

I shook my head at her. “You’re going to get me fired.”

“You’ve got other problems to worry about.” Jordyn put her hands on my shoulders, and spun me around.

“What am I looking at?” I asked, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Leave it to Jordyn to make me guess, rather than just tell me. She rotated me forty-five degrees.

“Not what. Who.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Past the cashiers. Aisle twelve.”

I loved her to death, but sometimes her games were a bit much. “Jordyn, come on—” I stopped, suddenly very aware of just who she was pointing out to me. I caught a glimpse of his smile first, gleaming brightly against his bronzed skin—a deeper brown than I remembered, and a compliment from his Brazilian mother. I’d almost missed him, hidden behind the cluster of kids clamoring for his attention. But then I heard his laugh, boisterous and infectious. Unique.

And stirring memories I resented.

I crossed my arms over my black apron. “What is Andre Steele doing back in Arizona?”

Jordyn inhaled noisily, letting out her breath as she spoke. “I don’t know, but Brazil sure did a nice number on him.”

I scowled and nudged her with my elbow.

“But we still hate him,” she corrected, giving a nod of solidarity.

“Of course we do.” We watched him disappear down aisle nine with his posse. Another burst of laughter trailed behind him, coupled with giggles from the girls hanging on him and the other guy slapping Andre’s back like they’d never heard someone so funny.

“Then again,” Jordyn added, “Four years can change a person. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”

I stepped away from her, returning to my position at the end of the register. I grabbed the boxes of toothpaste and floss sliding past Marlene and tossed them into a fresh bag. “I never liked his surprises.”


Author Bio:

Erica Kiefer’s debut novel Lingering Echoes was published by Clean Teen Publishing in November 2013. She continued the series with Rumors (A Lingering Echoes Prequel) and her newest release Vanishing Act. All of her books can be read as stand-alone contemporary YA fiction, touched with romance, emotional drama and suspense. With a degree in Recreation Therapy from Brigham Young University, Erica’s experiences working with at-risk youth have influenced the realistic and relatable nature of her writing. Her first inspirational non-fiction entitled Borrowed Angel (published in April 2014 with Currawong Press) describes the loss of her infant son and her journey towards healing.

Married since 2005, Erica resides in Las Vegas, Nevada with her four children and can often be found satisfying her sweet-tooth with chocolate-chip cookies and a glass of milk. Now and then, she dusts off her collegiate rugby skills and dives back into the game.

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Read an excerpt from The Marriage of Miss Jane Austen by Collins Hemingway

Everyone should marry once for love – Even Jane Austen

Jane Austen, single and seemingly comfortable in the role of clergyman’s daughter and aspiring writer in the early 1800s, tells friends and family to hold out for true affection in any prospective relationship. Everybody, she says, has a right to marry once in their lives for love.

But when, after a series of disappointing relationships, the prospect of true love arrives for her, will she have the courage to act? The Marriage of Miss Jane AUsten re-imagines the life of England’s archetypal female by exploring what might have happened if she had ever married. It shows how a meaningful, caring relationship would have changed her as a person and a writer.

It also takes her beyond England’s tranquil country villages and plunges her info what the Regency era was really about: great explorations and scientific advances, political foment, and an unceasing, bloody war.

In such times, can love—can marriage—triumph?

Read an excerpt from the book

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About the Author

Whether his subject is literature, history, or science, Collins Hemingway has a passion for the art of creative investigation. For him, the most compelling fiction deeply explores the heart and soul of its characters, while also engaging them in the complex and often dangerous world in which they have a stake. He wants to explore all that goes into people’s lives and everything that makes tThe hem complete though fallible human beings. His fiction is shaped by the language of the heart and an abiding regard for courage in the face of adversity.

As a nonfiction book author, Hemingway has worked alongside some of the world’s thought leaders on topics as diverse as corporate culture and ethics; the Internet and mobile technology; the ins and outs of the retail trade; and the cognitive potential of the brain. Best known for the #1 best-selling book on business and technology, Business @ the Speed of Thought, which he coauthored with Bill Gates, he has earned a reputation for tackling challenging subjects with clarity and insight, writing for the nontechnical but intelligent reader.

Hemingway has published shorter nonfiction on topics including computer technology, medicine, and aviation, and he has written award-winning journalism.

Published books include The Marriage of Miss Jane Austen trilogy, Business @ the Speed of Thought, with Bill Gates, Built for Growth, with Arthur Rubinfeld, What Happy Companies Know, with Dan Baker and Cathy Greenberg, Maximum Brainpower, with Shlomo Breznitz, and The Fifth Wave, with Robert Marcus.

Hemingway lives in Bend, Oregon, with his wife, Wendy. Together they have three adult sons and three granddaughters. He supports the Oregon Community Foundation and other civic organizations engaged in conservation and social services in Central Oregon.

For more information please visit Collins Hemingway’s website and blog. You can also find him on FacebookTwitterPinterestInstagram, and Goodreads.

Spotlight: It's Never Game Over by Christina G.

It’s the end of the year but you have the impression it’s the end of your life?

Start the New Year with a plan. Don’t make a resolution, make a habit!

Whatever your situation might be now, you have the power to change it.

• Depression can be overcome.

• You can lose weight and find love.

• You can heal and transform your life.

Believe you’re happy, and you’re half way there.

Book Excerpt

It’s over when you die

If change was easy, everybody would do it – I have heard this from several people who made it.

As you might have realised, all the chapters treated one thing only: humans are all the same, what differentiates them is ONE single decision: to fight or to surrender. To strive to change, or to accept what happens to you.

What surprises me the most is the fact that we all want a better life, without doing the work. I wanted that too. For 40 years of my existence, I was a spectator in my life. And I cried when things went from bad to worse. I crawled and bowed my head while I was telling myself that it was going to be sunny on my road too, one day. I thought it would happen because I was a good person. The truth is that we are all good until we take the decision not to be good anymore. And this might happen at any time in our existences. It could occur when we are just a baby. It could happen with or without our knowledge.

I knew I had to change for more than 15 years. If you reach thirty and you feel like you never lived, then it is definitely the time to change. I tried many times, but the fact I didn’t succeed means that I wasn’t serious about it.

If the change doesn't occur in a very long period of time despite many efforts it is either because you are doing something wrong or not enough. Change strategy after you did your best to follow one without a break. Adapt and keep working on yourself. Don’t give up. It’s not the strategy that is useless, you are doing it wrong.

We have seen people who are not smart being extremely prosperous.

“I don’t have the looks.” – How many actors, models who don’t look that good, quite the contrary, are incredibly successful? Why do you think is that? Because they were born to get what they wanted in life?

We were all born to get what we want in life, but we are weak and don’t do the work. These people did everything in their power to be in movies. To play the role of their lives. They didn’t stop at anything. They woke up at 4 am, went to the gym, then knocked on every door they found. When they were turned down, they knocked again, and again, and again until someone opened and let them in. Most people give up at the first try, “It was so humiliating. They didn’t even look at me. I can’t go through this again.”

If you think that after a few attempts, of course you give up. I felt that when I gave up. I cried like a baby in the corner of a room and swore I would never embarrass myself in front of anyone again. But when at forty I realised there was no other way, I started doing what those who made it do. With the mentality I had, the sensitivity, the sense of guilt, it was impossible to get anywhere. I had to make a paradigm shift first. And it wasn’t easy. If for 40 years you are a victim, taking life in your own hands triggers a war inside you. Mind, body, and soul in conflict for 24 hours a day is utterly exhausting. That’s why most of us don’t stick with the decision to change. Surviving is easy, living is an endless tussle.

Everybody wants to have an easy life. We would love to sit all day long, watching TV or walking around, having someone to serve us while we swim in luxury. Some of you will contest this with vehemence, “I don’t want to walk around, I want to have a job I love, money to travel, a family to love me. I want to have a purpose.”

Well, if you really want that, you go and make it happen. Humans flew to the moon. That was impossible, changing is not that risky and definitely not that expensive. If I can do it, everyone can do it. After 2 years of holding on to my decision to change my thoughts in order to transform my life, I am still having troubles breathing. Like right now. And the reason for this is that I am doing something my body doesn’t like to do, insisting on believing I can live one day on my own terms. Everything in my body screams, ‘Give up, you fool. You have a good job that allows you to pay the bills. What else do you want? Many would love to be in your position. Sit back and relax. That’s what most people do.

You don’t have to fight against yourself. You have a destiny that will be fulfilled no matter what; Why do you make everything so complicated?

You’ll never make it;

Just who do you think you are? Have you forgotten you were born a Romanian farmer? Have you forgotten that you have little education?

Succumb and settle like everybody else. Marry the first bloke who proposes to you and accept the fact you’ll fight against one another daily. Just like everybody else. No one is perfect. Accept the fact you will hate listening to his constant laments about the weather, not enough money to spend on Friday nights and holidays. Accept the fact he will betray you on every occasion. That he will have imaginary sex with every woman (or man), he sets his eyes on. Porn actresses, singers, models, strangers who look so glamorous in pictures;

That’s how life goes for everyone. You can’t beat that. You are no one. Your life means nothing. You are one of the 7.5 billion. Nothing less and nothing more. Eat your breakfast, go to work, come home, and walk around until the next day. A regular life doesn’t require too much effort. Give up the fight. Aren’t you worn out already?’

You might feel the same, and I am sorry. Nobody has to fight if they are happy with their lives. If you don’t complain about your current situation, you don’t have to do anything other than what you’ve done until now. But if your day is characterised by endless laments, resentment, envy, jealousy, a sense of emptiness, gloominess, and despondency, then you must consider making a shift in your paradigm. You need to sacrifice, compromise, commit, sweat, believe in yourself and persevere when you are turned down over, and over, and over again.  Everything has to change:

The way you sleep, drink, eat, walk, speak;

What you listen to or watch;

Your friends, interests, hobbies;

You need to give your time the value it merits;

You have to cherish struggle, rejection, defeat;

You need to force yourself to look in the mirror and see a worthy human being who can do anything!

You already knew everything you just read, right? Then why don’t you put it into practice? What’s stopping you? Who’s stopping you? If you feel like you are not going anywhere, why don’t you make the shift?

Dr Wayne Dyer used to say that we can’t force the shift. But others say exactly the opposite. I think that if we wait, it might take three lives until it happens. And from what I know, and everyone can prove it, we only have one life, and it is now, not after! If I had to wait for the shift to occur, I wouldn’t have written anything.

The internet and the libraries are full of amazing books, articles, movies that could help you shape your destiny. You read, watch them all even or especially if you disagree with the author or the idea. Invest as much time possible into educating yourself. When the moment comes, you have to be ready. You just need to take the decision to become whoever or whatever you want to be. Then you have to work hard to convince your body to follow the mind’s directions.

Are you contemplating death as the only solution to your struggles? I am the most entitled person that could understand you. I have been thinking of taking my life since I was just a child. A few months before turning forty, I was on the floor in my room, looking in a mirror and thinking the time was right to do what I have been thinking for the previous 39 years. I looked back and saw only misery, the present was dark, and the future seemed even worse. I was tired of fighting, I couldn’t take anymore. I was upset, angry, disappointed. I had nothing but sorrow. There was no point insisting. I thought the universe had already decided. However, I didn’t want to throw shame upon my family, so I spent a few weeks searching for the easiest and safest way to take my life without the evidence of suicide. But I haven’t trained my mind to think criminally, so I came up with nothing. All the ideas that I gathered weren’t bulletproof. In the past, I was a fan of The Mentalist, Lie to me, Dexter (for a few seasons) and several others TV serials on the same theme. I knew they would discover my intervention. I couldn’t risk it. I imagined the titles of newspapers and online articles. They looked dreadful. Then I thought of those who truly cared about me. They were not doing well either, was it fair ignoring their feelings? Was it fair to bring upon them other reasons to suffer?

So one day, I stared at my image in the mirror and told myself out loud the following: ‘It’s your life, if you don’t like it, you are free to make it over with. But just before you do that, give your best shot to change it. You’ve attempted it before but gave up before it happened. This is your last chance. You do whatever it takes. If in 5 years your opinion remains unaltered, then it’s over. You’d know you did your best and it wasn’t supposed to happen.’

The rest is history. After I had taken this ultimate decision – about which I am writing in detail in a new memoir – I realised that before I wasn’t serious about changing. I have waited for something to fall from the sky because I was a good person. I was expecting the shift that Dr Wayne Dyer spoke about. No, I wasn’t expecting it, I was demanding it because I thought I deserved it. Now, I am making the shift, and I am guiding it. Baby steps.

If you are planning a suicide, then the first thing you should do is get help from an organisation like the Samaritanshttps://www.samaritans.org.

The only suggestion I can make is that you give your best shot before playing your last card. You invest absolutely everything: time, money, focus, energy for at least 2 years into transforming your life. Take time off from everything and everyone. You are already dead, it won’t matter. But you must do it in this life, and you must do it alone. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. The power is in your hands. You truly are the master of your thoughts. You might not believe in you, but I do.

Do you know why? Because I am 100% certain that you can do it. But you must plunge into this project 100%. Not 90 or 99 but 100. With no breaks and no second thoughts. If you really want to change, if you are so fed up with your empty life, you listen and follow the steps others made before you.

It’s not easy at all. If it was everybody would change, and nobody would be so depressed all the time. But if you start, you go until the end.

I have heard many teenagers saying with anger, “I don’t need you to tell me what to do. Let me make mistakes so I can learn from experience.” Except they never learn and blame their parents for not pushing them more.

No more wasting time with people and situations that drag you down;

No more sad songs, silly movies that make you temporarily forget your problems. These are like alcohol, when they are over, you go back to your desolation;

No more listening to the news, no more watching shallow shows on TV, playing the Xbox as forms of distraction.

If you don’t give up at all these, you won’t step out of your misery. There is no way that you attend a motivational seminar then go to back to your TV, social networks, gaming, expecting those 2 hours to be enough to make you change.

As I said, I tried many times but gave up thinking it was no use. “No, nothing works. I am a lost cause. Too broken to be fixed. There is no point insisting.”

I didn’t manage to change because I capitulated too soon. Because I expected the change to occur instantly or in a few months.

Let me ask you something, “If it took you 20-30-40 years of your existence to become such a wreck, how can you expect to fix that in a few months of trying?”

Everything is broken inside you. You are full of wounds. Your mind is shattered. Your heart is bleeding. It will take time to cure all these. Convalescence is necessary. Unorthodox methods are your best bet.

I used to think I was smart, strong, reasonable, and open-minded. But I wasn’t very humble as I despised neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), motivational speakers, bold and hard to understand beliefs. I actually said a few times that NLP is for losers. Like I wasn’t one...

I used to feel sick at the idea of wasting my time with positive affirmations and subliminal messages. But when the vicissitude of life pushed me to the ground for the umpteenth time and let me no escape, I had to make a supreme choice. The greatest of my life. I was one single second away from cutting my veins when the idea of change spurred into my mind. ‘If others were able to rise from their ashes, why not me too?’ The moment I took the decision to change, I gave up everything else. I fumbled and fell numerous times, but I refused to go back.

So I took my laptop and started the ultimate search for my lost soul. The final battle. ‘If people say that subliminal messages help, who am I to say the opposite? Look at me, I am crawling, suffocating from crying, submerged in pain and responsibilities that shouldn’t even be mine. I need help. Nothing worked in the past, so a change in strategy is an absolute must.’

Of course I didn’t really expect it to take that long and to be such an arduous process. I used to think and say that listening to subliminal positive affirmations is absolutely ridiculous. I was disgusted when I heard that many people waste their time with this useless activity. I couldn’t even conceive of such a thing. ‘I could tell myself these words. But that won’t make them true. I know I am not worthy. Although I am a good person and quite intelligent, I am not that intelligent. There isn’t anything extraordinary about me. I know I am not really strong. The only reason I am still alive is that I am the ultimate coward, I can’t take my own bloody life! Why should I lie to myself? How in hell could this nonsense help me transform my appalling existence? Terribly ludicrous, pathetic, and stupid!’

However, I forced myself to do it. My first step was to buy stickers with positive messages. “If you can dream it, you can do it!” – Walt Disney – that type, all clichés. My eyes hurt when I looked at them. I felt so childish! My mind retaliated it with violence, ‘You can’t even dream, how the hell are you supposed to do it then?’

Then I started writing what I thought I wanted to happen in my life. Many influential people in the world did this. So, I began waking up 1 hour earlier every morning and made a list of my desires. Then I wrote them as if they were already there, ‘I am a happy, positive and accomplished writer. My stories are appreciated around the globe. And so on.’ Pages and pages with the same words over and over and over again. I was terrified at the idea that someone might discover them and call a psychiatrist who would put me in a straightjacket.

Then I followed (still) the ritual of reading them out loud first thing in the morning and before going to bed. Every day. I am still doing it because 40 years of miserable paradigm can’t be overwritten in 2 years.

Listening to positive messages was even harder. My body rejected the idea with violence, my mind was literally bleeding, my face was covered in tears, my back in cold sweat. At that moment I understood what torture feels like. But when it’s inflicted on you by others while your hands and legs are tied up to a chair, you can’t do much. When this agony is your decision, bloody hell it feels infinitely worse!

All successful people recommend the use of positive affirmations daily, you check. At first I registered my voice reading out loud words of encouragement, praise, compliments, and so on. I also made a list of all my accomplishments I never really considered as such. I listened to them when I walked to and from work (50+50 minutes).

This made me feel so pathetic, but I didn’t give up. I downloaded positive affirmations recited by strangers and focused on them. Every fibre in my body was aching. My mind rejected them with ferocity, ‘What is wrong with you? You know it’s not true. It will never happen;

Based on your experiences, your destiny is to suffer in eternity;  

You are cursed. Nobody believes in you. You don’t believe in yourself. Give me a break, you can’t be a writer, you are a farmer!

You can’t do that. You can’t do anything. Stop fighting against fate. Nobody ever won this battle. You are not strong enough;

Who will read your stories? Just who do you think you are?

You are not an erudite, you have no expertise;

So what if you speak three languages, people are fluent in seven, twelve, or even fifteen;

Give up already. Stop fooling yourself. The universe has no power. There is no such a thing as positive vibrations;  

People will step on your dignity again. They will wash the floor with your human essence. They will push you to the ground and spit on your work. They will mock and denigrate you. They will call you delusional and arrogant. They will laugh at your pain. They will invent anything to destroy you. You know this already. You know how it feels. Do you really want to torture yourself again? Are you a masochist or just terribly stupid?

You are losing your mind, go to a psychiatrist;  

Nobody will publish your books. Your life story is just a story. Nothing extraordinary about it. You are not Victor Hugo. You will never write like Thomas Hardy. You are an amateur, and there are millions like you. How are you planning on getting noticed when the competition is so ferocious? Are you sure you can swim in this sea of sharks? They will take your money and bury you in shame;

You make me feel sick. So what if you are elegant and can walk in high heels? It’s nothing to be proud of. How are these helping you? You can’t defy ageing. It’s too late. Look how old and ugly you are. Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you;

You are too sensitive for this world. A crier, a servant, a follower, not a leader;

Just kill yourself and make it over with. The world would be a better place without you.’ And the list could continue indefinitely.

5 months of persecution from these and many other terrible beliefs and behaviours – nature – resulted in tangible improvements in my thinking patterns. My confidence started to build up. I stopped crying so often. I gave a different meaning to my struggling. And most importantly, I slowly started believing that becoming a writer was possible.

I think it was then when I realised that most people use their ignorance as an excuse to not do anything extraordinary in this life. Most of us are offended when someone calls us stupid. But it turns out that this is our defence against change. The perfect pretext not to try anything. Ignorance is a shield behind which those who don’t want to do much in this world hide.

But we all know that “No man is his craft’s master the first day.” If we sit all day long watching TV shows, films and serials, we will never enhance our knowledge, right? If we listen to songs that praise humiliation, loss, discrimination, pain, gloominess we will not feel inspired to get out of misery, will we? We resonate with those negative feelings, and we feel understood somehow. We chose infantile distractions on purpose.

Almost 2 years after, I am still listening to subliminal messages and positive affirmations daily. I know that if I stop now, or take a break, the risk to go back to my miserable life is tremendous. I listen to them when I sleep, when I walk to work and back, when I clean the house, while I write and study (at a very low volume in the background).

I also still listen to audiobooks that treat this subject. All the free audio books on YouTube were heeded by me at least once. From each of them, I learnt something. Some of them became my bible, and I access them once a week, a few daily. Many people are convinced that reading a book once is enough to acquire the meaning of it. What I am doing taught me that if an idea gives you the chills, then you should listen to it – or read it if you prefer – as often as possible. Especially when you are in this process of mental – life – transformation. I prefer the audiobooks because I can do other things while listening. However, I know that perusing something written on a piece of paper might have a stronger impact on you. You choose. If I were twenty, I would have, most certainly, chosen the paperback versions.

The reason one should insist on watching, reading, listening to something positive ad infinitum is that we change even without noticing and some things we might have ignored in the past might become incredibly powerful and effective.

There is a motivational speaker I listen to first thing in the mornings: Les Brown. His talks sound different from one week to another.

Bob Proctor was the first one I listened to, and he promulgates a unique set of principles. I was so frustrated and upset because I didn’t like much his philosophies. I remember watching his seminars and crying from exasperation. I was incredibly conflicted and had tough times accepting or agreeing with him. I forced myself so badly that at some point I thought that I will die from too strong feelings of controversy. The Law of Vibration sounded very appealing, and that’s what I acquired from him.

Then I moved to the next motivational speaker, Louise Hay. You can heal your life resonated with me so much that I listened to absolutely everything I found with and about her. Then I discovered Eckhart Tolle, “What a liberation to realise that the voice in my head is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

From him, I moved to everyone else suggested by YouTube and Google based on my researches. I literally plunged mind, body and soul into the search for my true essence. I fought against my thoughts, impulses, arrogance, scepticisms, cynicism, pessimism disguised in realism. 24 hours a day for several months I invested into getting to know and accept unbelievable theories propagated by extraordinary human beings like the ones mentioned above and many, many others. I can’t even remember all their names. You do research, and once you start, you won’t have time for anything else. The amount of self-help is infinite. Only one who doesn’t want to change, can’t find this priceless. Don’t be arrogant and think you know better. Unless, of course, you are happy with your current situation. All right? Nobody is required to change something they are pleased with. I hope you have understood this by now.

But if you complain, my suggestion is: The earlier you start, the faster you can transform your life entirely.

***

Of course, among these great people, I also came across despicable creatures who vaunt themselves and have great success on YouTube. One guy, for example, very detestable looking, teaches the art of manipulation (among other abhorrent topics). I was utterly disgusted by all his lessons. I spent like 5 hours in one day watching and listening to him. I was mesmerised by depravation. I really couldn’t believe that such a repugnant being could get so many followers and views. However, that’s when I gathered that if his distasteful concepts can be accepted, my style has a market too. In the end, he gave me hope.

So you see, you can learn something good from anyone. I so wish I had learnt that from a nice person, not from a big-headed brute with whom I randomly collide in my nightmares.

When I didn’t watch motivational seminars, I listened to subliminal messages and encouraging affirmations in which I never trusted. I had such a repulsion towards all this sort of new age therapy that I can’t even explain in words. Until I turned forty, I was convinced that positive thinking was a bullshit notion sold to gullible and uninformed humans. How ashamed I am now it’s hard to describe. So much camouflaged arrogance in my old beliefs.

Although Bob Proctor is not in my top five favourites, he is the one who opened my eyes and initiated me on the tricky path of paradigm transformation. I totally believe in the Law of Vibration being linked to the Law of Attraction. I will always be grateful.

Again, you might not like an idea or a person, but you can still change if you are fed up with your current situation. From my own experience, I gathered that one has to be at the nadir of their existence in order to want and force the change. Curious is the fact that I hit rock bottom quite a few times in my life and have strived for happiness since I was a child, yet it took me 40 years to move into the same direction of the wind of change.

Some people take the decision to change their lives at an early age. I really don’t know what drove them, but they have my admiration.

Changing takes time. Success takes time. Nothing happens overnight while we sleep. We would like that very much, isn’t it? I know I would. Without discipline, consistency, resilience, grit, determination, self-esteem, we are a ship adrift. Don’t be a victim of destiny, unless that’s your goal that makes you happy.

Nobody can force you to change or to become successful, these have to be your free choices. If you are happy with your situation, don’t do anything, changing is not required. You know what’s best for you. But if you are weary and contemplate death as the only escape, don’t give up life before having invested at least 2 years of your existence into shifting your paradigm.

Victimism, drama, guilt don’t serve you any good. Move away from these. Don’t succumb to negativity and sufferance. There is always another way.

Choose living instead of surviving. Believe you can do it and you are halfway there.

Remember that we are what we think we are.

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About the Author

Cristina G. was born in Romania during one of the harshest communist regimes that ever existed. 

The tenth child of a farmer’s family, she has six sisters and used to have four brothers, now only two. 

Aged eight, she read Les Misérables by Victor Hugo and fell irremediably in love with books. Since then she kept dreaming of writing for many years, and she wrote a lot, but never thought of publishing. 

In 2012, after living in Italy for ten years, Cristina became a blogger. 

In June of 2014, with the help of a British friend, she moved to the UK. Here, although her expectations were not great, Cristina fulfilled the dream she never dared to dream before. 

Cristina G. is now a registered author and dedicates her life to writing focusing on human behaviour, emotions and feelings.
Her latest book is the self-help/nonfiction, It’s Never Game Over.

Read an excerpt from Christmas Sanctuary by Lauren Hawkeye

Emma Kelly needs a Christmas miracle.

Nick Shepherd loves his life in Salt Spring Island, where he sculpts in a studio with the grizzled and talented artist Mike Nagorski. Mike's estranged daughter, Emma Kelly, arrives in their quiet haven, and though Nick is immediately drawn to her, he tries to resist his feelings. There may be Christmas magic in the air, but Nick knows it can't last forever...

Excerpt

“Mike’s on a backcountry camping trip,” Nick explained, crossing his arms over his chest. Salt Spring Island was mild compared to some of the places he’d lived, but it was still December and he was wearing only an undershirt. “He’ll be gone for a few more days.”

“What on earth is a backcountry camping trip?” Her words dripped with suspicion, as though she was certain that he was making up an excuse. “There’s snow on the ground.”

“There is,” he agreed, entertained by the surprise on her face. “Lots of people around here like to do the whole communing with nature thing. They head off into the woods and hang out for a while. Even in the snow.”

“Why?” Her tone was horrified, and Nick couldn’t hold back a laugh. While she’d inherited her father’s looks, it was clear to him that the similarities stopped there.

He shrugged and, because he could, reached out to tug at a ribbon of her blond ponytail. She reached up to bat him away, but then their stares met and she stopped moving.

Click. A connection, one he couldn’t explain, snapped into place so firmly that Nick could almost hear it. Yeah, there was something here—that inexplicable something that drew certain people together.

He wanted to kiss her. The realization was strange. He liked to spend time with women; he certainly enjoyed having them in his bed, but he wasn’t all that big on kissing—it was usually all about a means to an end for him.

But this woman? He wanted, really wanted, the taste of her lips on his own. It was just his luck that she was his best friend’s daughter.

The sound of tires crunching over gravel grated in the still air, dissolving the moment. Turning away, he raked a hand through his hair as the cab he’d called pulled up in front of the studio.

“You’re insane, Nick!” The driver was Meg, a twenty-something single mom who had her toddler daughter Lily strapped in the backseat. “Don’t you know it’s winter? Put some clothes on! We know you’re sexy, already!”

He barked out a laugh, not entirely disappointed by the slight stiffening of Emma’s spine. She felt it, too, that thread between them—he knew she did.

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About the Author

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