Spotlight: Deception in the Truth by A.B. Medley

Publication date: October 26th 2021
Genres: Adult, Romance, Suspense

Synopsis:

Sometimes you think you know the truth.

Sometimes, it knows you better.

 

Ivie Davis’s seemingly perfect life is not quite so perfect thanks to a stalker who is determined to hurt her in every way possible.

The guy she falls for is forbidden.

Malicious intent is around every corner she turns.

She runs…for a while.

When she returns home to piece together the puzzle of her past, she finds herself working painfully close to the one man she knows she can’t have.

Her heart has other plans.

Sterling Brigg is a rancher by blood, detective by choice.

He is driven by a need to find the truth.

He fell in love with Ivie, even though he knew better.

Years later, he still searches for the answers to her past.

Now that she’s back in his life, he has no intention of letting her go again.

Together, they vow to find the truth, and in doing so, they will have to decide if the truth will bring them together or be the barrier that keeps them apart forever.

Excerpt

I cross my arms over my chest, and my stomach flips. Is she going to fess up about lunch with Dean today? Do I want to hear this? I haven’t heard from Dean since last night. He made his intentions clear, but I didn’t.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about?” I ask around the dread settling in my gut. 

She takes a deep breath. “I had lunch with Dean today. It was…weird.” And there it is. 

“You did?” I ask, as if I didn’t already know. “Why’d you do that?”

Her brows slam together. “We were close a long time ago. I haven’t seen him in years. You already know that. It was just us…catching up.”

I feel anger coursing through my veins. “So you say.” I can feel the muscles working in my jaw. 

“Sterling, why would I lie to you? You know my secrets.” She closes the distance to where I’m leaning on the counter. She reaches out to put her hand on my face, but I turn away.

She pulls back like I burned her. “Don’t do that, Sterling.” I didn’t mean to react that way. I’m just so angry and jealous, even a little scared. I don’t want her near Dean. I want her with me. I want him to know that she’s mine.

“Do what, Ivie? I don’t know how I’m supposed to react to you spending time with your ex-boyfriend. If there’s a certain way I need to act about this, please tell me.”

She bites her bottom lip like she does when she gets nervous. “He asked me if I was seeing anyone. I didn’t know how to answer him. What are we doing? Are we a thing? Was the other night a fling?”

I blow out a frustrated breath. “What did you tell him?” She looks at me, wide-eyed. “Nothing. I told him things were complicated. Because that’s how they feel right now. That’s all I said. I didn’t want to assume this was something it might not be without talking to you.”

I lift my cap and run my hand through my hair. “Ivie, what do you want from me? He’s been my best friend for years. None of us are kids in high school anymore, and I thought you knew how I felt. But if it’s complicated, I don’t know what to tell you.”

She backs up. “What are you saying, Sterling?” 

“I’m saying I think you know how I feel about you, and if you don’t, you should. I’m saying I can’t tell you how to feel or what to do. You’re the only one who knows what you want and how you feel. But I can tell you this.” I walk right up to her and grab her hand and put it flat on my chest over my heart. “This, my heart, belongs to you. And only you. It has for a long time now.” 

She lets a tear fall down her cheek as her fingers splay on my chest, feeling my heartbeat underneath. “And Ivie, I didn’t fight for you before. I stood on the sidelines and let you go. I can’t do that again. I won’t. My heart can’t take it. Having you back here made me realize that. So, whatever you’re going to do or decide, don’t wait too long. I can’t handle not knowing where we stand.” I brush a kiss over her lips and wipe away her silent tears. “I’m getting in the shower. You can stay, or if you need to leave, I understand.” I walk away and leave her in my kitchen speechless.

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About the Author

A.B. Medley lives in Tennessee with the love of her life and two sons. Her husband stole her heart when she was sixteen and their relationship is one of those meant to be love stories you find in magazines and novels.

She is a dental hygienist who loves to read and has always dabbled in writing. When she's not making people's smiles shine, she enjoys belting out songs with her boys, dancing, raspberries, baseball, and anything vintage. Like any proper Tennessean, Sundrop is her drink of choice.

She loves her family and friends fiercely and believes in always chasing your dreams.

Deception in the Truth is her debut novel—but now she's hooked, and there's more to come!

Connect:

https://www.facebook.com/authorabmedley/

https://www.instagram.com/abmedley/

https://twitter.com/ab_medley

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/21798630.A_B_Medley

Spotlight: Silent Protector by Katie Reus

Series: Verona Bay, book 3

Genre: Romantic Suspense

Release Date: October 26, 2021

About SILENT PROTECTOR:

Some secrets keep you safe…

Adeline Rodriguez left her violent past behind, buried her secrets and started over in Verona Bay. Now a successful co-owner in a local pet grooming business, she’s made a life for herself in this idyllic community, and has real friends. Thanks to her past, the only thing she hasn’t mastered yet is a real relationship. And when circumstances lead her to finally let her guard down with sexy Mac Collins, he completely ghosts her. Her first instinct is to close herself off again, but she decides to confront him instead—and that fateful decision puts her directly in the crosshairs of a killer.

Others can destroy you…

Mac has wanted Adeline since the moment they met, but she made it clear that she didn’t want a relationship. So he kept his distance. When they’re trapped together in a remote cabin, things change between them. But Mac’s past has come back to haunt him, so he pushes her away to protect her. Unfortunately, it’s already too late. Adeline is now a target too. To save her, Mac has no choice except to end the threat. Only then can he try to win over the woman he can’t live without. But winning over the feisty Adeline might prove to be harder than stopping a killer.

Verona Bay, #3

Author note: All books in the Verona Bay series may be read as stand-alones.

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About the Author

Katie Reus is the New York Times, USA Today, and IndieReader bestselling author of the Red Stone Security series, the Moon Shifter series and the Deadly Ops series. She fell in love with romance at a young age thanks to books she pilfered from her mom’s stash. Years later she loves reading romance almost as much as she loves writing it.

However, she didn’t always know she wanted to be a writer. After changing majors many times, she finally graduated summa cum laude with a degree in psychology. Not long after that she discovered a new love. Writing. She now spends her days writing dark paranormal romance and sexy romantic suspense. Her book Avenger’s Heat recently won the Georgia RWA Maggie Award for Excellence in the fantasy/paranormal category.

Connect:

Website: https://katiereus.com/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katiereusauthor 

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/306216912797590

Twitter: https://twitter.com/katiereus 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katiereusauthor/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1563059.Katie_Reus 

Blog: http://katiereus.blogspot.com/

BookBub: https://www.instagram.com/katiereusauthor/

Newsletter: https://www.instagram.com/katiereusauthor/ 

Dreamcast: One More Kiss by Tara September

I pictured April looking like Lucy Hale with a short, sleek black bob when she bothers with her hair, but otherwise it’s a poofy mess ever since she cut her long hair to donate to Locks of Love. She also has sharp green eyes that drive Cal insane.

For her dormmate Cal Chase, I could see a young Zak Efron from 17 Again playing him. Since he is there on a track scholarship, Cal has a lean runner's body, but with some strong swimmer arms. His hair is stylish, but he’s not trying too hard either. To April though it always looks perfect, which is just another sort of annoyance for her, lol.

In the mood board you’ll see things like a Chocolate Kiss and a letter, both of which Cal leaves for April in apology to his loud music playing and to tease her after their first kiss out under the stars/meteor shower. Books are April’s passion and she’s an English major, thus the stack of books, which Cal offers his assistance with when she’s seen carrying them back to her dorm room and trying to open her door. And the lock and key is what separates their connected rooms…at least for a little while ;)

Spotlight: Simple Tryst of Fate by D.M. Barr

Genre: Contemporary Dark Romance

A desire for a more conventional life once propelled travel writer Dani Barrett into a disastrous marriage. Ten years later and newly divorced, she’s back on the road with a series of rules to protect her heart and a secret sideline as an erotica author.

On a press trip, she meets James Aldridge, a charming yet cynical publisher who arouses her interest. Little does Dani know James is secretly an investigative journalist with his own kinky streak, and that rather than writing a travelogue, his undercover probe into political corruption will suck her into a treacherous journey across South America that could either end at James's gravesite or in his loving arms.

Excerpt

Chapter One 

A gal’s passion for a certain man might waver—or even disappear—but her hunger for travel never fades. I realized that upon arriving at the American Airlines counter at JFK Airport where Miguel, the effusive P.R. person for Turismo Argentina, greeted me. His excitement over escorting our two-week excursion from New York to South America matched my own as a member of the press group attending. 

“Ms. Barrett, welcome! We’re so lucky to have you,” he gushed. “You are going to have the time of your life, I promise—the mountains, the beaches, the cities, the food—and then you will tell all your readers to visit us too!” 

He rocked back and forth, ball to heel, a simmering kettle with steam seeking escape as it reached a boil. 

“Am I the first to arrive?” I asked the dark-haired publicist as I glanced around, noting a dearth of fellow reporters. 

Back in the day, before my post-wedding ten-year hiatus, one of my favorite parts of any press trip was discovering who would make up my new, short-term family. There was always a character or two you’d never want to separate from and another whom you’d spend the entire trip trying to avoid. 

“I’m afraid so but not for long. After you go through security, please enjoy a drink or two in the Flagship Lounge, and I’m sure they’ll join you shortly.” 

Sounded good to me. It was seven o’clock with over two hours to go before boarding, and a glass of wine would help me relax and survive the eleven-hour flight ahead. 

Overeager tour escort that he was, Miguel personally ushered me to the check-in desk, where the skeptical agent compared the long-haired brunette in my passport photo to the passenger with the golden blonde bob who stood before her. Dani Barrett Part Two, the Divorcée Years. Only the green eyes remained the same. 

Once I passed muster, I headed to the lounge, which was as expansive as I remembered from years before. Flying business class had its perks. I helped myself to some canapes and asked the bartender for a glass of chardonnay before plopping down in the corner, keeping one eye on the entrance. 

A tall, athletic man with short, tawny hair, light blue eyes, and a black leather jacket walked in. When I realized it was Liam, my heart skipped a beat. Originally from Ireland and one of my favorite partners in crime from the old days, together we’d climbed pyramids and punked the journalists no one liked. Like me, once he’d married, he’d stuffed his passport into his filing cabinet and tried to live a more grounded life, during which time, we’d sporadically stayed in touch. Unlike me, I was fairly certain he and Hugh were still together. 

Liam saw me, and his face brightened. “Dani Barrett, what the hell? What are you doing here?” He rushed over, dropped his duffle, and hugged me tightly. “I heard about you and Turnip Head. I’m so sorry, but happy to see you back in the saddle, as it were.” His brogue was faint but still adorable. 

“You never did like Tony much, did you?” I accused playfully. 

“It’s my job. A big brother from another mother is never going to think anyone is good enough for his sis. Smart thinking, as it turns out, keeping your maiden name.” 

“My byline was my one relic from my former life. Couldn’t let it go, no matter how much he protested. Though ‘Dani Heard’ might have worked well if I’d started a gossip column.” 

“Don’t think I’d want you penning a scandal sheet. You know too many of my secrets.” 

Little did Liam know that I did have a pseudonym now, and at age 35, a writing life he knew nothing about. My plan was to keep it that way. 

We tightened our hug one more time before plonking down onto one of the lounge’s myriad sofas. “So, who are you working for? How did you get this gig?” he asked. 

“Remember Peter Grant? My old office mate at Travel Industry News? He’s now managing editor at Travel Biz Report, and when he heard about my divorce, he asked if I wanted to do some freelance pieces, starting with this trip. Since I’d never been to Argentina before…” 

“Not bad, Dani. Getting out of New York in March means swapping a fortnight of mercurial spring weather for eighty-degree temps and a string of four-star hotels. Good trade, I’d say.” 

Not to mention, the locales might inspire some new plotlines for my alter-ego, erotica author Fuller Cox, a side hustle that allowed me to explore my sexual fantasies, at least in print. It also helped pay the bills. 

“How about you, Liam? I thought you gave up travel writing. Decided to let Hugh and his bottomless trust fund keep you in the style to which you wished to become accustomed.” 

“Yeah, that lasted about six months. I got antsy, and he hated me getting underfoot while he wrote his magnum opus, so we decided I’d go back on the road. So far, it’s working out great, absence making the heart grow fonder and all that.” He pointed at my wine glass. “You want another?” 

I shrugged. “Why not?” 

He beckoned the server over. “The lady will have a…still drinking Chardonnay, Dani?” I nodded. “I’ll have a Jameson, neat.” 

We sat like two hopped-up teenagers as we waited for our drinks, discussing what kind of adventures the next two weeks might bring. “Hope you won’t be accosting the locals, like you did in Venice,” he teased. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.” I smiled, wide-eyed, and feigned ignorance. 

“Your Honor, may I present Dani Barrett, travel writer and somewhat impulsive groupie,” Liam addressed an imaginary judge to his left. “It is alleged that during a luncheon at the Gritti Palace, Ms. Barrett confronted a bloke at a nearby table that remotely resembled Chris Hemsworth when his female dining companion retired to the ladies’ room. This supposed lookalike—who was on his honeymoon, by the way— was so flattered, since he was so not Chris Hemsworth, as I’d clearly told her—that he asked Ms. Barrett to have a seat…then his new wife returned from the powder room to discover the two of them clinking champagne flutes.” Then Liam turned his attention back to me. “Good thing she had a sense of humor.” 

My face heated from the memory as I sipped the wine the server set down moments before. “A possible Hemsworth encounter was worth the risk. No jury would convict. Leave it to you to remind me of such an embarrassing moment,” 

“I still have the photos,” Liam kidded. 

“Jerk.” I mock-punched his shoulder, just like a little sister would. 

“Better a jerk than a hussy.” 

I cocked my head. “Hussy? Are you time-traveling in from the mid-1700s?” 

Liam launched into what I was sure would have been a witty retort when his gaze tracked a distinguished man who’d just entered the lounge, and his smile turned into a scowl. The newcomer was someone I hadn’t traveled with before. He had straight black hair, parted at the side, and a salt-and-pepper beard and mustache that gave him a professorial look. The expensive suit didn’t hurt either. Six feet tall, in his early forties, and if I hadn’t sworn off men forever, I might have called him eye candy for the more discriminating (read: older) eye. That still left him as a possible inspiration for a leading character in one of my future novels. 

“Speaking of men who aren’t good enough for you…” 

I was surprised by Liam’s vitriolic tone, so out of character for a man who punned his way through life. “Who is he?” I murmured, as the man in question wheeled his carry-on toward a gaggle of other writers who had congregated while we were chatting. 

“You ever hear of Aldridge Publications?” 

“Yeah, aren’t they the parent company for some of the major travel trades? Based in London, I think.” 

“You think correctly. That’s James Aldridge, the owner…and a first class prick.” 

Uh oh. Trouble brewing before we’d even boarded the plane. “You never worked for Aldridge, did you?” 

“No, but Hugh did, years ago when we first got together. He went out on a limb, suggested a column on travel for alternative lifestyles. It had never been done before, at least not to that extent.” 

“Gutsy,” I said. 

“Yeah, but unfortunately ill-conceived. Not only did they shoot it down, but they also gave him the boot a few weeks later.” 

That was a little shocking, even for back then. The trades had been covering gay travel for decades. “They admitted they fired him for suggesting the column?” 

Liam scrunched his face. “Nah, of course not. They said it was due to cutbacks. Hugh said let it rest, but I always suspected something different.” 

It’s not that I wanted to disagree with my friend, but if there was the possibility of a misunderstanding, I wanted to clear it up before any grudges turned toxic. Especially since Miguel had informed me, they’d limited the group to only ten reporters plus escort. With that size crowd, you wanted the group dynamic to remain copacetic. Otherwise, morale plummeted faster than hungry travel agents descending upon a platter of shrimp. 

I watched as James shook the hands of the other journalists. He seemed a friendly enough fellow, and funny too, based on the giggles of the women he greeted. Even if Hugh’s editors had been closed-minded or homophobic—and that was still an unproven theory—would the firing of a low-level reporter have even reached James Aldridge’s attention? Then I wondered why I was making excuses for a man I had yet to meet. 

“You will be polite, won’t you, Liam? This is my first trip in a while. I’d really prefer if it remained scandal-free.” 

Travel writers were a tight-knit and somewhat incestuous family. Tales of troublemakers spread fast, almost as rapidly as gossip about the lascivious couplings that often occurred on the road. Great fodder for bodice rippers but not for real life. Unlike others who might have less interest in keeping their reputation pristine—or who were staff writers and therefore had a bit more job security than a freelancer like myself—I had to be more diligent about keeping my impulses under control. I didn’t want to be caught in the backlash and lose out on any future press trip invites. 

Liam squinted with incredulity. Was it because I’d doubted his theory over Hugh’s firing or my commonsense request to play nice when we were traveling free on the sponsor’s dime? Apparently the latter because he stood up and took James’s outstretched hand when the publisher reached our sofa. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m James Aldridge, your stalwart travel companion for the next fortnight.” His accent was upscale, his vibe a bit “tweedy” as the Brits put it, but his smile belied the stiffness of his introduction, as if mocking his own formality. 

“Liam Kelly.” Liam forced a half-smile and gave the hand a cursory single shake, clearly not matching my appreciation for James’s undeniable charm. 

“For a New York departure, quite the UK contingent,” the publisher mused. Then he shifted his hand my way. “I gather you must be from Scotland or is it Wales?” 

Staring into his dark, soulful eyes, I smiled so hard at his quip, I nearly sprained my jaw. “Sorry to disappoint, I’m just plain, old, boring American, Danielle Barrett, but my friends call me Dani.” Oh God, what a moronic comment. I’m surprised I didn’t end my intro by trilling, “tee hee hee.” If only I could be as smooth and daring as my fictional characters. 

If James thought I was partially brain-dead, he didn’t let on. Instead, he gave my hand a private squeeze that warmed both my palm and my nether regions. “Dani it is, then. I’m sure as we get to know each other better over the course of our travels, you’ll prove far from plain, old, or boring.” 

I willed my quivers not to betray my excitement over the prospect of future encounters when Miguel, accompanied by a man with an American Airlines “Concierge” badge, poked James on his shoulder. He released his grip and excused himself, though remained close enough for me to overhear the ensuing conversation. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Mr. Aldridge, but two seats have just opened up in first class and since you are one of our most prolific frequent flyers, we wanted to offer them to you and a companion.” 

“Well, that’s quite kind of you.” He looked over his shoulder and noticed me listening. “Would you care to join me up front, Ms. Barrett?” I could have sworn I caught his eyes twinkling. 

The offer took me aback, but without looking, I could sense Liam’s utter disapproval. “That’s so kind, Mr. Aldridge—” 

“Excuse me, but I just invited you to first class; I think that puts us on a first name basis.” 

“That’s so kind of you, James,” I corrected myself, “but…Liam and I are old friends, and we haven’t seen each other in a long time. We have ten years to catch up on.” 

“Well then it’s settled, isn’t it?” He turned back to the American Airlines concierge. “Please give the two tickets to Mr. Kelly and Ms. Barrett.” Then he looked back at me. “Unless it’s Mrs. Barrett?” 

Cute. “No, Ms. will do nicely, but you don’t have to—” 

He shook his head. “It’s a non-issue. American has an excellent business class section, and I will be more than comfortable. You catch up with Mr. Kelly now, and perhaps we can get to know each other better when we land in B.A.” Another blinding smile. 

You can always spot a well-traveled man by the nicknames he uses to refer to various international cities, like “B.A.” for Buenos Aires or “Joburg” for Johannesburg. A kindred spirit. 

“Uh…I’d like that,” I spluttered, wishing he’d turn away before I tied my tongue into a tighter knot. 

The concierge forced a smile and directed his attention to Liam and me, his two newest upgrades. “If you’ll give me your boarding passes….” We gratefully handed them over. Then he turned back to James. “Mr. Aldridge, regardless of where you’re sitting, I’ll make sure you receive first class treatment.” The two walked toward the ticket desk, Miguel following like a puppy dog. 

“Looks like it’s going to be a nice flight,” I said to Liam, attempting to appease. 

“Sacrificing two first class tickets doesn’t make him any less of a prick,” he said. “One that obviously wants to get inside your pants. Don’t let him, Dani. Your heart’s taken enough of a pounding lately. You don’t need it being mishandled by some backstabber.” 

“No worries. You know my rule.” A rehearsed disclaimer that, since meeting James Aldridge, even I didn’t believe anymore. I’d counted on an exciting trip. Just how exciting only time would tell. 

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About the Author

By day, a mild-mannered salesperson, wife, mother, rescuer of senior shelter dogs, competitive trivia player and author groupie, happily living just north of New York City. By night, an author of sex, suspense and satire.

My background includes stints in travel marketing, travel journalism, meeting planning, public relations and real estate. I was, for a long and happy time, an award-winning magazine writer and editor. Then kids happened. And I needed to actually make money. Now they're off doing whatever it is they do (of which I have no idea since they won't friend me on Facebook) and I can spend my spare time weaving tales of debauchery and whatever else tickles my fancy.

The main thing to remember about my work is that I am NOT one of my characters. For example, as a real estate broker, I've never played Bondage Bingo in one of my empty listings or offed anyone at my local diet clinic.

But that's not to say I haven't wanted to... 

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Instagram * Bookbub * Amazon * Goodreads 

Spotlight: Fire & Ice by Michele Barrow-Belisle

Genre: YA Fantasy Romance

Cover Designer: AMDesign Studio

Publishing: BarBelle Publishing

Publication Date: Oct. 26th, 2021

Adventure wasn’t something Lorelei was interested in. Gifted by a dark Faerie with two other-worldly talents for singing and healing, she’s always shied away from her gifts, preferring invisibility, over attention and fame. But when she meets the enigmatic Adrius, with his dark and dangerous mystique and eyes that see into her soul, her life becomes irrevocably altered.

Adrius turns up in every one of her classes and knows more about her than any newcomer should. Including the condition of her mother who is suffering from a mysterious illness. Accepting his offer to help leads her into a terrifying and thrilling world, where Elves are even hotter than Legolas, and Faeries...are nothing like Tinkerbell. The two magical beings are fire and ice opposites. One Lorelei can’t help falling for, and the other she's compelled to be with.

Now she’s trapped, expected to prevent a war between witches and faeries, or forfeit her mother’s life. Nothing is what it seems. Not her family. Not the Fey. Not even Adrius, whose feelings for her balance precariously between desire and danger. Despite her better judgment, she can’t stay away.

As secrets unravel and unsettling truths are revealed, Lorelei must fight to save much more than her mother’s life. One mistake could put the fate of his world, and her soul in jeopardy.

But hey, no pressure...right...

Buy on Amazon

About the Author

Michele Barrow-Belisle is a USA Today bestselling author who spends most of her days eating chocolate while talking to imaginary people. It's technically not considered crazy when they're your book characters. Her favorite genres to write are YA fantasy romance and paranormal romance, and her debut series FIRE AND ICE (Faerie Song Saga) is currently in development for a feature film.

Michele resides in southern Canada with her husband and son who indulge her ever-expanding obsession with reading, writing and most importantly... chocolate.

Connect:

Website:  www.michelebarrowbelisle.com

Blog:  www.michelebelisle.blogspot.ca

Facebook Author Page:  www.facebook.com/authormichele

Facebook Street Team: www.facebook.com/groups/mbbstreetteam

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3059577.Michele_Barrow_Belisle

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/MicheleBelisle

Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/michele.barrow.belisle

Pinterest:  www.pinterest.com/micheley26

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BookBub: www.bookbub.com/authors/michele-barrow-belisle

Spotlight: Fan Club by Erin Mayer

In this raucous psychological thriller, a disillusioned millennial joins a cliquey fan club, only to discover that the group is bound together by something darker than devotion.

Day after day our narrator searches for meaning beyond her vacuous job at a women's lifestyle website - entering text into a computer system while she watches their beauty editor unwrap box after box of perfectly packaged bits of happiness. Then, one night at a dive bar, she hears a message in the newest single by international pop-star Adriana Argento, and she is struck. Soon she loses herself to the online fandom, a community whose members feverishly track Adriana's every move.

When a colleague notices her obsession, she’s invited to join an enigmatic group of adult Adriana superfans who call themselves the Ivies and worship her music in witchy, candlelit listening parties. As the narrator becomes more entrenched in the group, she gets closer to uncovering the sinister secrets that bind them together - while simultaneously losing her grip on reality.

With caustic wit and hypnotic writing, this unsparingly critical thrill ride through millennial life examines all that is wrong in our celebrity-obsessed internet age and how easy it is to lose yourself in it.

Excerpt

Chapter One

I’m outside for a cumulative ten minutes each day before work. Five to walk from my apartment building to the subway, another five to go from the subway to the anemic obelisk that houses my office. I try to breathe as deeply as I can in those minutes, because I never know how long it will be until I take fresh air into my lungs again. Not that the city air is all that fresh, tinged with the sharp stench of old garbage, pollution’s metallic swirl. But it beats the stale oxygen of the office, already filtered through distant respiratory systems. Sometimes, during slow moments at my desk, I inhale and try to imagine those other nostrils and lungs that have already processed this same air. I’m not sure how it works in reality, any knowledge I once had of the intricacies of breathing having been long ago discarded by more useful information, but the image comforts me. Usually, I picture a middle-aged man with greying temples, a fringe of visible nose hair, and a coffee stain on the collar of his baby blue button-down. He looks nothing and everything like my father. An every-father, if you will.

My office is populated by dyed-blonde or pierced brunette women in their mid-to-late twenties and early thirties. The occasional man, just a touch older than most of the women, but still young enough to give off the faint impression that he DJs at Meatpacking nightclubs for extra cash on the weekends.

We are the new corporate Americans, the offspring of the grey-templed men. We wear tastefully ripped jeans and cozy sweaters to the office instead of blazers and trousers. Display a tattoo here and there—our supervisors don’t mind; in fact, they have the most ink. We eat yogurt for breakfast, work through lunch, leave the office at six if we’re lucky, arriving home with just enough time to order dinner from an app and watch two or three hours of Netflix before collapsing into bed from exhaustion we haven’t earned. Exhaustion that lives in the brain, not the body, and cannot be relieved by a mere eight hours of sleep.

Nobody understands exactly what it is we do here, and neither do we. I push through revolving glass door, run my wallet over the card reader, which beeps as my ID scans through the stiff leather, and half-wave in the direction of the uniformed security guard behind the desk, whose face my eyes never quite reach so I can’t tell you what he looks like. He’s just one of the many set-pieces staging the scene of my days.

The elevator ride to the eleventh floor is long enough to skim one-third of a longform article on my phone. I barely register what it’s about, something loosely political, or who is standing next to me in the cramped elevator.

When the doors slide open on eleven, we both get off.

In the dim eleventh-floor lobby, a humming neon light shaping the company logo assaults my sleep-swollen eyes like the prick of a dozen tiny needles. Today, a small section has burned out, creating a skip in the letter w. Below the logo is a tufted cerulean velvet couch where guests wait to be welcomed. To the left there’s a mirrored wall reflecting the vestibule; people sometimes pause there to take photos on the way to and from the office, usually on the Friday afternoon before a long weekend. I see the photos later while scrolling through my various feeds at home in bed. They hit me one after another like shots of tequila: See ya Tuesday! *margarita emoji* Peace out for the long weekend! *palm tree emoji* Byeeeeee! *peace sign emoji.*

She steps in front of me, my elevator companion. Black Rag & Bone ankle boots gleaming, blade-tipped pixie cut grazing her ears. Her neck piercing taunts me, those winking silver balls on either side of her spine. She’s Lexi O’ Connell, the website’s senior editor. She walks ahead with her head angled down, thumb working her phone’s keyboard, and doesn’t look up as she shoves the interior door open, palm to the glass.

I trip over the back of one clunky winter boot with the other as I speed up, considering whether to call out for her attention. It’s what a good web producer, one who is eager to move on from the endless drudgery of copy-pasting and resizing and into the slightly more thrilling drudgery of writing and rewriting, would do.

By the time I regain my footing, I come face-to-face with the smear of her handprint as the door glides shut in front of me.

Monday.

I work at a website.

It’s like most other websites; we publish content, mostly articles: news stories, essays, interviews, glossed over with the polished opalescent sheen of commercialized feminism. The occasional quiz, video, or photoshoot rounds out our offerings. This is how websites work in the age of ad revenue: Each provides a slightly varied selection of mindless entertainment, news updates, and watered-down hot takes about everything from climate change to plus size fashion, hawking their wares on the digital marketplace, leaving The Reader to wander drunkenly through the bazaar, wielding her cursor like an Amex. You can find everything you’d want to read in one place online, dozens of times over. The algorithms have erased choice. Search engines and social media platforms, they know what you want before you do.

As a web producer, my job is to input article text into the website’s proprietary content management system, or CMS. I’m a digitized high school janitor; I clean up the small messes, the litter that misses the rim of the garbage can. I make sure the links are working and the images are high resolution. When anything bigger comes up, it goes to an editor or IT. I’m an expert in nothing, a master of the miniscule fixes.

There are five of us who produce for the entire website, each handling about 20 articles a day. We sit at a long grey table on display at the very center of the open office, surrounded on all sides by editors and writers.

The web producers’ bullpen, Lexi calls it.

The light fixture above the table buzzes loudly like a nest of bees is trapped inside the fluorescent tubing. I drop my bag on the floor and take a seat, shedding my coat like a layer of skin. My chair faces the beauty editor’s desk, the cruelest seat in the house. All day long, I watch Charlotte Miller receive package after package stuffed with pastel tissue paper. Inside those packages: lipstick, foundation, perfume, happiness. A thousand simulacrums of Christmas morning spread across the two-hundred and sixty-one workdays of the year. She has piled the trappings of Brooklyn hipsterdom on top of her blonde, big-toothed, prettiness. Wire-frame glasses, a tattoo of a constellation on her inner left forearm, a rose gold nose ring. She seems Texan, but she’s actually from some wholesome upper Midwestern state, I can never remember which one. Right now, she applies red lipstick from a warm golden tube in the flat gleam of the golden mirror next to her monitor. Everything about her is color-coordinated.

I open my laptop. The screen blinks twice and prompts me for my password. I type it in, and the CMS appears, open to where I left it when I signed off the previous evening. Our CMS is called LIZZIE. There’s a rumor that it was named after Lizzie Borden, christened during the pre-launch party when the tech team pounded too many shots after they finished coding. As in, “Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her mother forty whacks.” Lizzie Borden rebranded in the 21st century as a symbol of righteous feminine anger. LIZZIE, my best friend, my closest confidant. She’s an equally comforting and infuriating presence, constant in her bland attention. She gazes at me, always emotionless, saying nothing as she watches me teeter on the edge, fighting tears or trying not to doze at my desk or simply staring, in search of answers she cannot provide.

My eyes droop in their sockets as I scan the articles that were submitted before I arrived this morning. The whites threaten to turn liquid and splash onto my keyboard, pool between the keys and jiggle like eggs minus the yolks. Thinking of this causes a tiny laugh to slip out from between my clenched lips. Charlotte slides the cap onto her lipstick, glares at me over the lip of the mirror.

“Morning.”

That’s Tom, the only male web producer, who sits across and slightly left of me, keeping my view of Charlotte’s towering wonderland of boxes and bags clear. He’s four years older than me, twenty-eight, but the plush chipmunk curve of his cheeks makes him appear much younger, like he’s about to graduate high school. He’s cute, though, in the way of a movie star who always gets cast as the geek in teen comedies. Definitely hot but dress him down in an argyle sweater and glasses and he could be a Hollywood nerd. I’ve always wanted to ask him why he works here, doing this. There isn’t really a web producer archetype. We’re all different, a true island of misfit toys.

But if there is a type, Tom doesn’t fit it. He seems smart and driven. He’s consistently the only person who attends company book club meetings having read that month’s selection from cover to cover. I’ve never asked him why he works here because we don’t talk much. No one in our office talks much. Not out loud, anyway. We communicate through a private Morse code, fingers dancing on keys, expressions scanned and evaluated from a distance.

Sometimes I think about flirting with Tom, for something to do, but he wears a wedding ring. Not that I care about his wife; it’s more the fear of rebuff and rejection, of hearing the low-voiced Sorry, I’m married, that stops me. He usually sails in a few minutes after I do, smelling like his bodega coffee and the egg sandwich he carefully unwraps and eats at his desk. He nods in my direction. Morning is the only word we’ve exchanged the entire time I’ve worked here, which is coming up on a year in January. It’s not even a greeting, merely a statement of fact. It is morning and we’re both here. Again.

Three hundred and sixty-five days lost to the hum and twitch and click. I can’t seem to remember how I got here. It all feels like a dream. The mundane kind, full of banal details, but something slightly off about it all. I don’t remember applying for the job, or interviewing. One day, an offer letter appeared in my inbox and I signed.

And here I am. Day after day, I wait for someone to need me. I open articles. I tweak the formatting, check the links, correct the occasional typo that catches my eye. It isn’t really my job to copy edit, or even to read closely, but sometimes I notice things, grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, and I then can’t not notice them; I have to put them right or else they nag like a papercut on the soft webbing connecting two fingers. The brain wants to be useful. It craves activity, even after almost three hundred and sixty-five days of operating at its lowest frequency.

I open emails. I download attachments. I insert numbers into spreadsheets. I email those spreadsheets to Lexi and my direct boss, Ashley, who manages the homepage.

None of it ever seems to add up to anything.

Excerpted from Fan Club by Erin Mayer, Copyright © 2021 by Erin Mayer. Published by MIRA Books.

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About the Author

Erin Mayer is a freelance writer and editor based in Maine. Her work has appeared in Business Insider, Man Repeller, Literary Hub, and others. She was previously an associate fashion and beauty editor at Bustle.com.

Connect:

Author website: http://erinmayer.com/

Twitter: @mayer_erin

Instagram: @erinkmayer