5:00 a.m. – The alarm goes off. “I Gotta Feeling,” by the Black Eyed Peas is playing. I gotta feeling I may have been smoking crack when I set the alarm last night.
5:30 a.m. – The alarm goes off again. Was I really serious when I said I would get up early and work out today? “Bust a Move,” by Young MC is playing. Ugh. Now the DJis trying to motivate me?
6:00 a.m. – Okay, I’ll do a hard stop at 5:00 p.m. and get my workout in. “Dead or Alive,” by Bon Jovi is playing. Start singing along in my head.
6:45 a.m. – Well, now I’m hungry, so I maybe I will get up. The DJ is talking, which quickly brings my hand down on the snooze button.
7:15 a.m. – Alright, I really DO need to get up now.
7:20 a.m. – The morning ritual (sans workout) commences: brush teeth, get on the scale (ugh – why?), drink a glass of water to quell hunger, scroll through the BlackBerry to look at all the emails that came in overnight, mess around on Facebook, glance at Twitter, check sales, look at GoodReads.
8:00 a.m. – Still haven’t eaten. Make scrambled eggs, toast and tea. Watch “Frasier” reruns on Lifetime while eating. Frasier and his new girlfriend, Charlotte, are trapped in the country with some extras from “Deliverance,” while Niles interviews the physical therapist that he thinks is the stripper and Daphne interviews the stripper she thinks is the nanny. Hilarity ensues.
8:30 a.m. – Shower and dress. Even when you work from home, the rule is, you always shower. ALWAYS.
9:00 a.m. – At my desk, which faces a corner in my living room. Make out my to-do list for the day.
9:15 a.m. – Actually start working; answering emails, working on blog posts, check Amazon, muse on what to post on Facebook. Check BN.com.
10:15 a.m. – Open up WIP to go over it with a fine tooth comb to start assessing the massive plot holes. Write down my findings in my trusty notebook. Gosh these pages are filling up fast.
11:30 a.m. – Mess around on Facebook. Just for 15 minutes.
12:00 p.m. – Boy, did I go down a rabbit hole. Resume p(l)ot hole assessment.
12:30 p.m. – Hunger strikes. Grab an apple. Mess around on Twitter. Just for 15 minutes.
1:00 p.m. – And yet another rabbit hole. Get back to the holes that matter and resume work on WIP.
2:00 p.m. – Realize I’m starving. Lunch awaits. Salmon and salad. Vain attempt to make the scale like me tomorrow. Watch the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” episode that’s been on my DVR for almost a week.
2:15 p.m. – My head hurts.
3:00 p.m. – Back to work.
3:40 p.m. – Work, work, work, work. Oh, wait, I haven’t been on Pinterest yet today…
4:15 p.m. – Okay, really, I should get back to work. Right after I check out PEOPLE.com and EW.com…
4:30 p.m. – Back to work.
5:30 p.m. – Oh, who am I kidding – I’m not going to work out today. Like Scarlett O’Hara says, tomorrow is another day. Besides, I’m on a roll—I’m figuring out the problems with my WIP. Whew!
6:00 p.m. – Think about what to have for dinner. Start texting with best friend, start finalizing weekend plans with some other girlfriends.
6:30 p.m. – Still haven’t eaten. Decisions: leftover pepperoni pizza or salmon?
6:32 p.m. – Pizza. Duh.
6:45 p.m. – Watch today’s “General Hospital,” and fast-forward through half of it. Do they have to put all the storylines I don’t like in one episode?
7:30 p.m. – Can’t stop thinking about WIP. Open it back up and start combing through it again.
9:30 p.m. – Oooh – “Frasier!”
10:30 p.m. – Stick a fork in me.
10:45 p.m. – Wait…what time am I setting the alarm for tomorrow?
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