Is What You Think You Know About Dating Sabotaging Your Chance at Happiness?

Over the last 30 years as a psychiatrist, I’ve witnessed a dangerous trend. Despite advances, women of all ages still struggle with speaking up and standing up for themselves. We think it’s improving, but it’s not. It’s also why women often don’t get what they want from men. This isn’t just an issue for my wonderful patients. It’s global, and we need a new revolution to create change. That’s why I wrote my award-winning new book, Be Your Own Brand of Sexy; A New Sexual Revolution for Women. I want to support the women who will never walk into my office but still need a helping hand. 

These days, many of us make decisions in our love lives based on what we think a “modern woman” should do. We tell ourselves that being strong, capable, independent women means that we should ask men out, take the lead, and even open our own doors rather than accepting help from a man. We worry that wanting romance or courtship means we’re weak or passive. We can be so focused on gender equality that we end up having sex without the commitment we want, moving in with a man without the engagement we want, or paying on dates when we want the guy to pay—all because we want to be politically correct. It just doesn’t work for many of us. 

We forgot the meaning of liberation: the freedom to choose for yourself. We need a new revolution that encourages each woman to decide what’s best for her, regardless of cultural messages. 

The surprising secret to love and happiness is being your own Brand of Sexy. That means figuring out:

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1. What you want. 
2. What works for you and what strategies will help you get the kind of relationship you want.
3. How to stand up for yourself in constructive ways.

Here are four reasons why being your own Brand of Sexy is better than being politically correct: 

1. What’s politically correct may not be emotionally correct for you. Just because we can have casual sex and ask men out doesn’t mean those are the best choices for all women. We are built for attachment, which means that casual sex doesn’t work for many women. Being your own Brand of Sexy means figuring out and doing what works for you. 
2. Being your own Brand of Sexy gives you power. Many of us think that the more sex we have the more empowered we are, even if we don’t feel completely comfortable with it. Real power is knowing what works for you and having the courage to stand up for yourself. 
3. Being your own Brand of Sexy makes dating fun. Whether you are looking for love later in life, a young woman trying to find her way in the college hookup culture, or anyone in between, dating can be fun, if you do it on your terms. All women—including you—can feel confident, comfortable, and in control. 
4. You will get what you want! The Single Woman’s 12-Piece Dating Toolbox gives you the strategies to find love and happiness. You don’t have to settle for unsatisfying hookups or disrespectful men. If you’re ready to stop being hurt, frustrated, or disappointed by men, throw out your old dating rulebook, and make way for your own Brand of Sexy!

Join the Revolution! Be your own Brand of Sexy!

Not sure if you are being your own Brand of Sexy? Click here to take a mini version of the dating quiz from my book! 

About Dr. Edelman

Susan L. Edelman, MD is a psychiatrist specializing in women’s issues, dating, and relationships. She is the author of the new award-winning book, Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women. She is an Adjunct Clinical Associate Professor in the Psychiatry Department at Stanford. 

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Q&A with Sharon Kendrick, The Sheikh’s Christmas Conquest

Can you bring us up to speed on The Sheikh’s Christmas Conquest?

It’s a shamelessly emotional story about a powerful Sheikh whose heart is empty because of something awful which happened in his past, and Olivia – a woman with demons of her own.  Saladin needs something from Olivia - something she doesn’t want to give.  Marooned in the snowy English countryside, the Sheikh’s most persuasive weapon is his sexual mastery and he sweeps Olivia off to his scorching desert kingdom. The trouble starts when a straightforward seduction becomes so much more... 

What was the first romance novel that you ever read?

That would be PRIDE & PREJUDICE by Jane Austen (I still love it)

What is one thing that you absolutely need when writing?

My imagination!  And coffee...

What’s the best interaction you’ve ever had with a fan?

Once I wrote a trilogy centered on a single wedding dress and a woman in her eighties sent me a lovely long letter telling me about a similar wedding dress in her own family, and all the different people who had worn it.

Who would you fan cast for Sheikh Saladin and Olivia?

The delicious Aiden Turner (who plays Poldark in popular UK TV drama) and Isla Fisher - for her red hair (just like Olivia’s) and her wonderful humor.

Why do readers love Sheikh romances so much?

Ah.  For me, that’s simple.  Because a Sheikh symbolizes many of our secret fantasies about men.  He’s dark.  Powerful.  Masterful.  And he’s irresistibly sexy.  What woman wouldn’t want to be taken by horseback across the burning sands to be ravished by a gorgeous desert king?  My Sheikhs often appear sophisticated and can be found in Paris, or New York – but beneath their urbane exterior beats the indomitable heart of the true alpha male.

Where have you traveled to and how has this informed your novels?

When I was a student nurse I travelled to the Middle East, which has been invaluable for my Sheikh books.  Subsequently, I’ve taken in Australia, parts of the US and lots of Europe (especially Italy).  I love to be immersed in countries and culture which are different from my own.  When you’re on the outside looking in, that’s when your imagination is most on fire.

Without giving away too much, what’s your favorite scene from The Sheikh’s Christmas Conquest?

Well, a reader has described the epilogue as “heartwarming” and I tend to agree with her, but I love the part where Saladin reveals to Olivia what happened in his past.  Yet after he opens up, he immediately kills off any hope that there’s some kind of future for them.

Do you have any conferences/book signings/events coming up?

I’m going to several UK-based author gatherings and I’m very excited to be attending the buzzy RWA conference in San Diego in 2016 where I’ll be signing books for Harlequin.  Hope to see you there!

What are you working on next?

I’m currently writing a story about a Prince who visits his ex-lover one last time, mainly to prove to himself that he’s finally gotten her out of his system.  Only, guess what?  He hasn’t!  Fireworks erupt and all kinds of consequences follow.  Oh, and I’ve got an unbelievably sexy Irish hero coming up in THE BILLIONAIRE’S DEFIANT ACQUISITION, which is out in April, 2016.

Why I Write by Tori Eversmann

Remembrance Box

Moving stirs up dust and lost treasures. In August 2014, when we moved for the eighth, and perhaps, final time since we’ve been married, my husband, Matt, and I vowed that we would unpack every box that we owned. We no longer would wonder “what is in that box?”. For years we carted around boxes labeled “MISCELLANEOUS” and shoved them unopened into the farthest nooks of each of our homes; like the top shelf of our garage in Sackets Harbor or the attic eaves we could only reach by a pull-down latter in Baltimore. No more! No box left behind — or unopened as was our case. 

One box that clearly hadn’t been opened in over twenty years — perhaps longer — nonsensically housed an eclectic cluster of things from my childhood: two journals (one from eighth grade and another from my post-college days when I lived on a boat in the West Indies); one of my brother’s yearbooks — we did not go to the same school nor was it from his graduating year; the same brother’s quarterly report card (he got a C in biology); some swim meet ribbons and horse show trophies from the early 1980’s; a jewelry box filled with gaudy garage-sale jewelry that at some point I must have worn and thought looked good on me; a short, tangled bleached blond wig; random photos of me at various ages; pictures of my mother and her parents and grandparents; about a dozen pens (dried ink) and pencils (broken tips) tied together in a blue and white polka dot grosgrain ribbon that perhaps I’d worn in my hair; an old passport; a pair of moth-chewed wool mittens and matching hat from The Gap; plus tidbits and scraps of my life that I honestly had forgotten. 

However, there was also a red file folder filled with homemade Valentine’s, Christmas cards, and books from before I was ten-years-old. The books were created by varied — now faded — primary colored construction paper with two holes punched in the left side and strung together with yarn in a bow. In my primitive handwriting using a felt tip marker I’d authored about six books each with varying themes on my life in the 1970’s to include my intense love of horses, dogs, and cats. “Christmas”  by Tori Dukehart was the title of one and had a fir tree with decorations and lights illustrated under the title. Another was “A Day at the Beach” by Tori Dukehart. Whales jumped over waves, a convex sun popped down from the top right corner, and my stick-figure family and I threw a red and white beach ball in the air over Crayola “yellow” sand. It occurred to me that even as a child, I’d created stories based on what was going on in my life. Opening the pages of my early opus transported me back to my six or seven-year-old self when I’d lie on the floor in my grandmother’s den with my colored paper, rainbow markers, scraps of yarn from my mother’s knitting, and my imagination authoring my own life. Each book had illustrations of my brothers and me, my parents, ponies I’d dream I’d own one day, our cats and dogs doing the mundane things of everyday life. But I’d chosen to chronicle them and forty years later, I’d been blessed with this time capsule. Here was my history staring back at me.

In my novel, The Immortals, there are several letters exchanged between the characters. Here is an excerpt from a letter that Haines Wendover, the protagonist’s father, writes to his daughter, Calli Coleman:

“…Sometimes it is difficult for us to place ourselves within the vastness of history and figure out exactly where we fit in. Somehow we do, and your journaling and your letters to Luke are the best way to collect the present for the benefit of those to come. Oftentimes the most cherished items of our time here will be the memories and thoughts put down on paper. Nothing else can approximate the feelings conveyed.”

For too many months in 2005 and 2006, I allowed myself to suffer through emotional pain while Matt was deployed in Iraq. His possible death or possible disfigurement haunted me like a ghost. Because I lived a life where I let others interpret my life, I felt victimized by our government because my husband was away at war. I was a passive observer of my own experiences, my own loss. I was not giving my own world meaning because I allowed outside influences to direct attention to my pain. I woke up one morning and didn’t recognize me. Where had I gone? Who was this cynical, negative person staring back at me in the mirror? What happened to the little girl who wrote, illustrated, and made her own books? My need to find her was primal. I desired to be my own artist, to paint my life as I wanted it be. It was then that I committed to change. So I started writing: in my journal, email, and letters. Writing helped me gain meaning. Through journaling, I found independence. Gloomy ideas I’d clung to worked themselves out and fell away. New ideas I’d resisted didn’t seem as daunting. Writing saved me. It healed me. My novel was born during those writing escapades.

Now The Immortals is about to be published and I can’t imagine a life without writing. Characters and plot lines visit my imagination daily. I occasionally write letters to friends and try to remember to write handwritten thank you notes. There are index cards, pads, and scraps of paper all over our house in case an idea pops into my head and I want to write it down before I forget. I’m empowered by what’s going on around me and I only wish there were about 27-hours in a day so I could accomplish all that I want…Oftentimes the most cherished items of our time here will be the memories and thoughts put down on paper.

Tori Eversmann, wife of retired First Sergeant Matt Eversmann, the soldier who inspired the lead character in the book and movie, Black Hawk Down, has captivating stories of her time as an Army wife and its aftermath in the post 9/11 world. Amid adversity, Tori worked tirelessly as a single parent, a cheerleader for her husband’s wounded men at Walter Reed Army MedicalCenter, and as a conduit of information from the front lines during her husband’s 15 month deployment in the Iraq war, all to keep her and the other Army wives afloat.

Tori received her B.A.  in English/Creative Writing from Skidmore College and currently lives in West Palm Beach with her husband, daughter, two dogs and two cats.

Pursue Your Passion Now! by Pamela Samuels Young

People are often amazed to learn that I’ve managed to write seven legal thrillers while still practicing law. I, on the other hand, am amazed when I meet talented people who put pursing their passion on the backburner.  Here are some of the most common excuses I hear:

“I don’t have time.”

“I have to wait until the kids start school.”

“I’ll do it after I retire.”

“I’m too old to do it now.”

When I decided that I wanted to write a legal thriller, the plan was simple. Write the book, wait for Oprah to call and make me famous, then spend the rest of my days writing novels in my fabulous Malibu beach house. It didn’t exactly happen that way, but it did happen. It’s hard to believe that I’ve just released my seventh legal thriller, Lawful Deception.

No matter what your passion is, pursue it now, not tomorrow. Age is no excuse, neither is lack of time. My first book was published when I was 48—over nine years ago. I was practicing law full time, but I woke up at four in the morning to write before heading to the office.

Do you have a passion you’re not pursuing? Here are three tips to help you get started.

1. Make Time No Matter What.

I wrote my first novel by rising at four in the morning to write for a couple of hours before heading to work. I work out my best plot twists while stuck in traffic. Your lunch break can also be put to good use. With your family’s support, you might even find an evening or two to run off to your local library or a nearby Starbucks for some passion-planning time. Even if it’s only an hour a week, use it.

2. Look for Support

Surround yourself with others who share your interests and passions. There are hundreds of professional organizations whose primary function is to help members realize their dreams. I’m a diehard member of Sisters in Crime, an organization dedicated to the advancement of women mystery writers. Find a group that fits your passion.

3. Ignore the Naysayers

Many times, people who don’t have dreams of their own want to dash yours. Ignore the naysayers and go for it. And don’t be surprised if youturn out to be your biggest critic. When that happens, stare down the self-doubt and go for it.

Pamela Samuels Young is a Los Angeles-area attorney and the author of seven legal thrillers, as well as Kinky Coily: A Natural Hair Resource Guide. Her newest release, Lawful Deception, involves a scandalous paternity case that turns from merely contentious to downright deadly.

To invite Pamela to a book club meeting, speaking engagement or to read an excerpt of her novels, visit www.pamelasamuelsyoung.com. 

Ten Facts about Finding Forever by Linda Oaks

1. Kara’s car is an older model Escort. The first car I ever owned was an Escort. 

2. The restaurant known as Fred’s is actually based off of a small diner located in my hometown. 

3. The last scene before the epilogue in Finding Forever was inspired by An Officer and A Gentleman. 

4. Kara has a love for Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough Ice Cream. I shamefully have to admit I’ve never tired this brand, but cookie dough anything is a win-win with me.

5. Kara’s mother’s maiden name was in fact a family member’s maiden name.

6. The idea for Devon’s obsession with lowered trucks was actually inspired by a pastime of one of my husband’s cousins.  

7. Like Kara, Tequila and I are not the best of friends. 

8. Natalie’s angel tombstone was actually a replica of my late grandmother’s tombstone. 

9.  Hope Floats is one of my favorite movies of all time and I too, like Kara, have a crush on Harry Connick Jr. 

10.  Finding Forever was actually a suggestion for the title of Chasing Rainbows. 

Inspiration behind Finding Forever: 

I have to give credit to my previous editor, Monica Kimble, whom I worked with during the editing of my first book, Chasing Rainbows. As a reader, I love series, but as an author, I’d never given much thought as to writing one until Monica asked if I had ever considered telling the stories of any of the other characters from Chasing Rainbows. This suggestion took hold and one character in particular occupied my thoughts, and I had to write her story. Kara Thorn didn’t really give me a choice. Right now, I’m currently working on the third book in The Chasing Series. There were will be four in the series.  

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Real Locations that Inspired Anywhere With You by Britney King

First off, thank you for asking me to write a guest post. It’s always fun.

Anywhere With You, because it is a novel based on a road trip was inspired by various locations. Although, perhaps it would help if I started from the beginning…

The idea for Somewhere With You (book one) was in part inspired by a grief camp for kids that my then seven-year-old niece attended. In fact, she still attends each year. From there it grew into a story about two kids who’ve lost a parent, that essentially grow up together, and fall in and out of love. Because their circumstances change along the way they wind up traveling the world, meeting in various places around the world, coming together—and falling apart.

Originally, I hadn’t planned on writing a sequel to Somewhere With You. However after reading the reviews and receiving a plethora of notes on the subject I decided that perhaps Jack and Amelie’s story wasn’t over. They never really are. ☺

So, in August of this year, my husband and I set out on a 4,000-mile road trip across five states—the only caveat being that we had only a loose idea of a plan and a few key places that I wanted to hit. Those were: Santa Fe, several mountain towns in Colorado, but mainly Telluride, The Grand Canyon, and Sedona. While we visited lots of other places along the way… those are the key places that will stick out in the story.

Also, they all have a special place in my heart as well. For me, they’re magical places for one reason or another.

That said, if you’re interested in getting visual images of the road trip, please check me out on Instagram.

And once again, thanks, for having me as a guest. ☺

Britney King writes modern love stories for mature audiences. She is the author of six novels, several of which have been featured on various bestseller lists, and is currently at work on number seven. 

She lives in Austin, Texas with her husband, five children, two dogs, one ridiculous cat, and a partridge in a pear tree.

She enjoys hearing from readers and would love it if you would connect with her via Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

About Anywhere With You

They say opposites attract. For Jack and Amelie, that statement is about as close to the truth as it gets. 

She runs from anything that so much smells like love. And, well, as for Jack, he's always been a fan of the chase. Especially where she's concerned. 

Which is exactly what happens when he proposes... to accompany her on a cross-country road trip. 

A bet is made. True to form, Jack puts everything on the table—while Amelie keeps her cards tucked close to her heart. 

The question remaining when it all shakes out—is whether it's possible they can both win?

Will a road trip across the country finally teach them to meet in the middle? Or simply drive them further apart? 

This is the continuation of a love story that (like many) was never really over.