Spotlight: The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo

When Marilyn Connolly and David Sorenson fall in love in the 1970s, they are blithely ignorant of all that’s to come. By 2016, their four radically different daughters are each in a state of unrest: Wendy, widowed young, soothes herself with booze and younger men; Violet, a litigator-turned-stay-at-home-mom, battles anxiety and self-doubt when the darkest part of her past resurfaces; Liza, a neurotic and newly tenured professor, finds herself pregnant with a baby she’s not sure she wants by a man she’s not sure she loves; and Grace, the dawdling youngest daughter, begins living a lie that no one in her family even suspects. Above it all, the daughters share the lingering fear that they will never find a love quite like their parents’. 

As the novel moves through the tumultuous year following the arrival of Jonah Bendt–given up by one of the daughters in a closed adoption fifteen years before–we are shown the rich and varied tapestry of the Sorensons’ past: years marred by adolescence, infidelity, and resentment, but also the transcendent moments of joy that make everything else worthwhile.

Spanning nearly half a century, and set against the quintessential American backdrop of Chicago and its prospering suburbs, Lombardo’s debut explores the triumphs and burdens of love, the fraught tethers of parenthood and sisterhood, and the baffling mixture of affection, abhorrence, resistance, and submission we feel for those closest to us. In painting this luminous portrait of a family’s becoming, Lombardo joins the ranks of writers such as Celeste Ng, Elizabeth Strout, and Jonathan Franzen as visionary chroniclers of our modern lives.

Excerpt

The Offspring

April 15, 2000
Sixteen years earlier

Other people overwhelmed her. Strange, perhaps, for a woman who’d added four beings to the universe of her own reluctant volition, but a fact nonetheless: Marilyn rued the inconvenient presence of bod­ies, bodies beyond her control, her understanding; bodies beyond her favor. She rued them now, from her shielded spot beneath the ginkgo tree, where she was hiding from her guests. She’d always had that knack for entertaining, but it drained her, fully, time and time again, decades of her father’s wealthy clients and her husband’s humorless colleagues; of her children’s temperamental friends; of her transitory neighbors and ever-shifting roster of customers. And yet, today: a hundred-odd near strangers in her backyard, humans in motion, staying in motion, formally clad; tipsy celebrants of the union of her eldest daughter, Wendy, people who were her responsibility for this evening, when she already had so much on her plate—not literally, for she’d neglected to take advantage of the farm-fresh menu spread over three extra-long card tables, but elementally—four girls for whose presences she was biologically and socially responsible, polka-dotting the lawn in their summer pastels. The fruits of her womb, implanted repeatedly by the sweetness of her husband, who was currently nowhere to be found. She’d fallen into motherhood without intent, producing a series of daughters with varying shades of hair and varying degrees of unease. She, Marilyn Sorenson, née Connolly—a resilient product of money and tragedy, from dubious socioemotional Irish-Catholic lineage but now, for all intents and purposes, as functional as they come: an admirably natural head of dirty-blond hair, marginally conversant in both literary criticism and the lives of her children, wearing a fitted forest green sheath that exposed the athletic curve of her calves and the freckled landscape of her shoulders. People kept referring to her with great drama as the mother of the bride, and she was trying to act the part, trying to pretend that she wasn’t focused almost exclusively on the well-being of her children, none of whom, that particular evening, seemed to be thriving.

Maybe normalcy skipped a generation, like baldness. Violet, her second-born, a striking brunette in silk chiffon, had uncharacteristi­cally reeked of booze since breakfast. Wendy was always cause for concern, despite seeming less beleaguered today, owing either to the fact that she’d just married a man who had bank accounts in the Cay­mans or to the fact that this man was, as she vocally professed, “the love of her life.” And Grace and Liza, nine years apart but both mal­adjusted, the former a shy, stunted soon-to‑be second-grader and the latter about to friendlessly finish her sophomore year of high school. How could you grow people inside your own body, sprout them from your own extant materials, and suddenly be unable to recognize them?

Normalcy: it bore a second look, sociologically speaking.

Gracie had found her beneath the ginkgo. Her youngest was almost seven, an insufferable age, aeons from leaving the household, still childish enough that she’d tried to slip into their bed in the mid­dle of the previous night, which wouldn’t have beenthatbig of a deal had her parents been clothed at the time. Anxiety did something to Marilyn, always had, drew her magnetically to the animal comfort of her husband.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you go find—” She hesitated. The only other children at the wedding were toddlers and she didn’t specifi­cally want to encourage Grace’s already-burgeoning antisocial love of dogs by suggesting that she go play with Goethe, but she wanted a moment to herself, just a few seconds to breathe in the cooling air of early evening. “Go find Daddy, love.”

“Ican’tfind him,” Grace said, the hint of a baby voice blunting her vowels.

“Well, look harder.” She bent to kiss her daughter’s hair. “I need a minute, Goose.”

*

Grace moved off. She’d already checked on Wendy. Already swung on the porch swing with Liza until her sister had been distracted by a boy wearing sneakers with his wedding suit; already convinced Violet to share four sips of champagne from her fancy glass flute. She was out of people to check on.

It was strange to have to share her parents with others this week­end, to have her sisters back around the house on Fair Oaks. Her father sometimes called her the “only only-child in the world who has three sisters.” She resented, slightly, her sisters homing in on her territory. She soothed herself as she always did, with the company of Goethe, curling up with him beneath the purple flower bushes and running her hand through his bristly fur, the part of his butt that looked like it had been permed.

*

Liza felt a little bad, seeing her younger sister finding solace in the dog while she herself was finding solace inside a stranger’s mouth, but the groomsman emanated a smoky vapor of whiskey and arugula and he was doing something with his fingers to the inside of her thigh that made her turn her head away, deciding that Grace could fend for herself, that it wasn’t possible to learn that skill too early.

“Tell me about you,” the groomsman said, his knuckles grazing the lacy insignificance of the thong she’d worn in the hopes of exactly such an occasion.

“What do you want to know?” she asked. It came out sounding kind of hostile. She’d never quite mastered being flirtatious.

“There’s four of you?” he asked. “What’s that like?”

“It’s a vast hormonal hellscape. A marathon of instability and hair products.”

He smiled, confused, and she leaned forward boldly and kissed him.

*

Violet had never been quite so drunk, sitting slumped, alone, at one of the tables, from which she supposed she’d driven the other guests. The previous night came to her in fizzy episodic sunbursts: the bar that used to be a bowling alley; her blue-eyed companion with his double-jointed elbows, the athletic clasp of his thighs, the back of his mother’s station wagon; how she’d made sounds she did not recog­nize at first as coming from her own throat, porn star sounds, primal groans. How he came first—she’d later felt him dripping out of her, when they climbed back into the front seat—and then made her, with a deft attention to detail, come as well, for the first time in her life. And how she’d made him drop her a block away from her parents’ house lest Wendy be still awake.

She watched Wendy, wearing sweetheart-neck Gucci at her back­yard wedding to an old-money academic, being spun in circles by her new husband to “You Can’t Hurry Love.” Her sister had, for the first time, surpassed her, success-wise. She was blithe and beautiful and twirling in circles while Violet was drunk past the point of physical comfort, gnawing at a full loaf of catered focaccia, rubbing the oil on the underside of her skirt. But she felt herself smiling a little at Wendy, at oblivious Wendy getting grass stains on her satin train. Imagined going over to her sister and whispering in her ear,You’d die if you knew where I was last night.

*

Wendy watched as Miles, throwing an apologetic smile at her over his shoulder, was pulled away from her by his toddler cousin, their ringbearer, who had solicited his accompaniment to the cake table.

“There’s some good daddy training happening over there,” some­one said, taking her by the elbow. It was a guest from Miles’s side, possibly someone’s real estate broker, a silicone goblin of a woman. The people on the lawn at present were probably collectively worth more than the GDP of a midsize country. “It’s good you’re so young. Plenty of time to flesh out the family tree.”

It seemed a crass thing to say for a variety of reasons, so Wendy responded in kind: “Who says I want to split up my share among a bunch of kids?”

The woman looked horrified, but Wendy and Miles lived for these jokes, were allowed tomakethese jokes because neither of them gave a fuck if people thought Wendy was a gold digger; all that mattered was what they knew to be true, which was that she’d never loved another person as fiercely as she did Miles Eisenberg, and he, by some grand cosmic miracle, loved her back. She was anEisenbergnow. In the top thirty, at least, of the wealthiest families in Chicago. She could fuck with whomever she wanted.

“It’s my plan to outlive everyone and spend my days reveling in a disgusting level of opulence,” she said. And she rose from her seat and went to straighten her new husband’s tie.

*

The trees, David noted, were at burgeoning that day, big prodigious leaves making dancing shadows across the grass, which they’d tried to keep the dog off of for the sake of aesthetic preservation, David and Marilyn rising early in the mornings and pulling on raincoats over their pajamas to walk him instead of just opening the back door like they normally did. David watched as the rented tables and chairs wore their grooves into the pristine lawn, legs melon-balling the expensively fertilized sod in a way that made his gut churn. Goethe was now roaming around the yard like a recently released convict, traversing the verdant grounds with the proprietary confidence of a horticulturist. David took a breath of damp air—was rain coming? It might make the guests leave sooner—and marveled over the sheer number of people that could accumulate in a lifetime, the number of faces in his yard that he didn’t recognize. He thought of Wendy as a toddler, when they lived in Iowa, creeping onto the porch where he and Marilyn rocked together in the rickety cedar swing, fitting herself neatly between them and murmuring, already drifting back to sleep,You’re my friends.He was nearly overcome, standing there, feel­ing as out-of-place as he had a quarter of a century ago, before they’d married, a chilly December night when Marilyn had lain against his chest beneath the ginkgo. He did a visual sweep, eyes blurring the sea of pale spring colors until he found his wife, a tiny ballast of forest green: hiding beneath that very same ginkgo. He slipped along the fence until he came to her, and reached out an imploring hand to the small of her back. She leaned instinctively into it.

“Come with me,” he said, and led her around the trunk, into the shade, where he pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair.

“Sweetheart,” she said, worried. “What is it?”

He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, breathing in the faint dry warmth of her scent, lilacs and Irish Spring. “I missed you,” he said into her clavicle.

“Oh, love.” She tightened her embrace, tilted his chin until he met her eyes. He kissed her mouth, and then her cheekbone and her forehead and the inlet of her jaw where he could feel her pulse, and then her mouth again. She was smiling, lips a flushed feverish plum, and then she was kissing him back, the periphery blurring away. The thing that would always mean more than everything else: the goldish warmth of his wife, the heat of their mutual desperation; two bodies finding solace in the only way they knew how, through the language of lips, his hands along her spine, her spine against the tree trunk, the resultant quiet that occurred when they came together, until she pulled away, smiled up at him and said, “Just don’t let the girls catch us,” before she buried herself once again against him.

*

But of course they saw. All four of the girls watched their parents from disparate vantage points across the lawn, each alerted initially to their absence from the reception by that pull, a vestigial holdover from childhood, seeking the cognitive comfort that came from the knowing, the geolocation, the proximity of those who’d created you, those who would always feel beholden to you, no matter what; each of their four daughters paused what she was doing in order to watch them, the shining unfathomable orb of their parents, two people who emanated more love than it seemed like the universe would sanction.

Excerpted from The Most Fun We Ever Hadby Claire Lombardo. Copyright © 2019 by Claire Lombardo. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Buy on Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Audible

About the Author

CLAIRE LOMBARDO earned her MFA in fiction at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. She was born and raised in Oak Park, Illinois. A former social worker, she now teaches fiction writing and is at work on a second novel.

Spotlight: What You Did by Willow Rose


What You Did
Eva Rae Thomas Mystery Book 2
by Willow Rose
Genre: Thriller, Suspense

Former FBI-profiler, Eva Rae Thomas, faces the most personal case in her career, as bestselling author Willow Rose’s new hit series continues.

Three girls disappear on prom night at the local high school. One of them is the prom queen.
FBI profiler Eva Rae Thomas is chasing her long-lost sister when detective—and boyfriend—Matt Miller asks her to join the investigation of the three girls’ disappearance. They were last seen walking home together after the dance.
When the body of a young girl shows up in her backyard, Eva Rae knows she can no longer watch from the sidelines, and soon she realizes not only is she involved in this investigation, she’s also this killer’s target.
WHAT YOU DID is the second book in the Eva Rae Thomas Mystery Series and can be read as a standalone.


**Only 99 cents!!**




The Queen of Scream aka Willow Rose is a #1 Amazon Best-selling Author and an Amazon ALL-star Author of more than 60 novels.

She writes Mystery, Thriller, Paranormal, Romance, Suspense, Horror, Supernatural thrillers, and Fantasy.

Willow's books are fast-paced, nail-biting pageturners with twists you won't see coming. Several of her books have reached the Kindle top 10 of ALL books in the US, UK, and Canada. She has sold more than three million books.

Willow lives on Florida's Space Coast with her husband and two daughters. When she is not writing or reading, you will find her surfing and watch the dolphins play in the waves of the Atlantic Ocean.





Follow the tour HERE for exclusive content and a giveaway!






Spotlight: More Than a Rogue by Sophie Barnes




 photo More Than A Rogue_zpsfncgwphb.jpg
 The Crawfords, Book 2
 Historical Romance
 Release Date: June 25, 2019

 photo add-to-goodreads-button_zpsc7b3c634.png

All she wanted was a kiss…

What she got, was fiery passion…

Emily Howard knows she is destined to be a spinster. She has accepted this fate, but that doesn't stop her from wanting to experience kissing. What she doesn't expect, is for Griffin Crawford, the handsomest man in the world, to do the honors. Or for all her female relations to discover her in his embrace. Naturally, marriage is instantly mentioned, but since Emily knows this is not what Griffin wants, she tries to escape him, her family and the ensuing scandal.

When Emily flees the Camberly ball in the wake of their kiss, Griffin goes in pursuit. He will not allow his sister-in-law's determined friend to risk her safety for any reason. And risk it she will if she means to return to her countryside home by herself. But the longer he remains in her company, the more he is tempted to kiss her again. If only he could risk falling in love and remain in England forever.



Other Books in The Crawfords Series:




 photo No Ordinary Duke Book One_zps2h99zdyh.jpg
No Ordinary Duke
The Crawfords, Book 1
Release Date: August 2018



He’s everything she’s trying to avoid…But somehow precisely what she needs…

Caleb Crawford doesn’t want to be a duke. He’d much rather build houses for a living. So when fate disrupts his peaceful life and burdens him with the responsibilities of a newly inherited title, he does what any sensible man would do by fleeing London, disguising himself as a laborer, and seeking refuge with three young spinsters who need his help with a leaky roof.

Ruined by a marquess who promised her the world, Mary Clemens has sworn to avoid marriage forever. Instead, she intends to live out her days with her friends and the orphaned children they’ve taken into their care. But when Mr. Crawford comes knocking, Mary finds herself in real danger of risking heartbreak all over again. Especially when she discovers that he’s not at all what he seems.






About the Author

 photo More Than A Rogue Author Sophie Barnes_zpsf43ajvw5.jpg
Born in Denmark, Sophie has spent her youth traveling with her parents to wonderful places all around the world and has lived in five different countries on three different continents.

She has studied design in Paris and New York and has a bachelor's degree from Parson's School of design, but most impressive of all - she's been married to the same man three times, in three different countries and in three different dresses.

While living in Africa, Sophie turned to her lifelong passion - writing.

When she's not busy, dreaming up her next romance novel, Sophie enjoys spending time with her family, swimming, cooking, gardening, watching romantic comedies and, of course, reading. She currently lives on the East Coast.



Contact Links

Website  
Twitter  


Purchase Links

B&N 
Kobo 
iBooks  

RABT Book Tours & PR

Spotlight: Love at Lakewood Med by T.J. Amberson

Love at Lakewood Med
T.J. Amberson
Publication date: June 9th 2019
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

Savannah Drake would be thrilled about starting her final year of medical school if it weren’t for one thing: she has to spend a month working in the emergency room with cold, aloof Dr. Wesley Kent as her mentor. When her first day in the ER proves to be a humiliating disaster, Savannah is ready to swear off emergency medicine forever. Gradually, though, she finds that the unpredictable, emotional experience of caring for patients in the emergency room is affecting her far differently than she expected – and Dr. Kent turns out to be anything but the arrogant attending physician that she assumed him to be. But just when Savannah finally admits to herself that she is falling for Dr. Kent, she learns that things at the hospital are not all what they seem. Faced with a seemingly impossible choice, Savannah must decide between her future career and everything that she has come to care so much about.

Goodreads / Amazon

EXCERPT:

“Do you know what you just did?” Doctor Kent puts his eyes on mine.

I stare back at him, my body going cold. I screwed up somehow. That baby might die because of me. I may—

“You ran that resuscitation as well as, or better than, any resident in this hospital would have.” Doctor Kent’s gaze drifts toward Room Fourteen. “Most physicians—even experienced ones—would have understandably panicked around a sick newborn. You didn’t.”

I follow his gaze to the now-vacant room, and remain quiet, letting his words soak in. Once I gather my thoughts, I debate for a second or two before I get up the courage to admit to him:

“This sounds stupid, but I was so focused during that whole encounter that I almost didn’t realize what I was doing while it was happening. It was like I had an invisible shield around me, blocking out distraction and not letting my emotions affect me. Only after the baby was gone did I start feeling it all.”

Doctor Kent doesn’t reply. I blush and reluctantly turn to him again, feeling ridiculous. But Doctor Kent isn’t about to laugh at me. Instead, he has his eyes fixed even more intensely on mine.

“Welcome to emergency medicine,” he says.

I catch my breath as something powerful stirs within me. There’s a moment of unspoken communication between Doctor Kent and me, and then I glance around Fast Track once more. I think that I understand it all a little better now.

Author Bio:

TJ Amberson hails from the Pacific Northwest. With a love of writing in several genres, TJ strives to provide well-written, age-appropriate, & original novels for tweens, teens, and new adults.

Website / Goodreads / Facebook






GIVEAWAY!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

XBTBanner1

Spotlight: Frat House Confessions: Ridge by Bethany Lopez

She has a broken heart and revenge on her mind...

Last year Karrie was riding high. She had a boyfriend she loved, a softball scholarship, and the best roommate a girl could have. 
When it turned out her man was a lying, cheating ballsack, she may have gone off the rails a bit. 
Now, it's a new year and Karrie's ready to build herself back up and move on to bigger and better things. 
Still, a little revenge would go a long way in helping the healing process.

He's got a plan for revenge that will suit them both...


Ridge is used to being the BMOC. Sergeant of Arms of his frat and the ability to land any chick within snapping distance has made life pretty easy for him. 
His home life is another story. He and his brothers are in the middle of a battle between his socialite mother and asshole father.
Ridge is looking for a stand-in to placate his mother and her matchmaking ways, and he has a feeling he's just met the girl he can perfectly mold.

This makeover has nothing to do with love and everything to do with Karrie and Ridge using each other to get what they want. What starts as a ruse soon becomes an attraction they cannot deny. When it's all said and done, they'll both have more to confess than a need for revenge.

Excerpt

Ridge:

I was sitting there, chuckling and shaking my head, when I felt someone come up next to me and pat me on the arm. 

I looked up and to my right to see Caitlyn, one of the Delta groupies, standing there with an armful of clothes and a smile. 

“Hey, Ridge, how’s it going?” she asked.

My eyes flitted to the closed dressing room door, before coming back to rest on Caitlyn. We’d hooked up a couple times, but when she’d tried to move us toward a relationship, I’d quickly put a stop to it. 

Not only did I not do relationships, but Caitlyn was almost as entitled as I was, and I needed someone who was a little more grounded. Who’d put me in my place and not let me walk all over them. Someone who’d call me on my shit and not get offended when I called them on theirs. 

A mental picture of Karrie popped in my head, but I ignored it. Karrie and I would never work. First of all, she was hung up on her asshole ex, and second of all, she was simply a means to an end. 

Not at all girlfriend material.

Guilt slammed through me at that stray thought, but I ignored it and answered the girl hovering over me. 

“Can’t complain,” I answered, intentionally not continuing the conversation in hopes that she’d get the hint and leave me alone. 

I looked back down at my phone.

“I heard Delta’s planning a rager for after Homecoming … something about making over girls into the perfect Delta groupies. Crush should have asked me to come be an example, not Bella. I’ve been hanging with Deltas for the last four years,” she continued with a pout.

I sighed and brought my gaze back up to her face. 

“It was Crush’s deal, Caitlyn, I’m not involved in his shit.”

She smirked and replied, “That’s not what I heard. Word on the street is you picked a girl for a makeover, too. Drake’s girl.”

“Word on the street?” I scoffed, standing up and stretching, and shooting her a bored expression. “Your source is wrong. Karrie is more to me than a game Crush is playing with the rushes. And, she’s not Drake’s girl … She’s mine.”

Just then, the changing room door swung open, and Karrie walked out wearing a tight-fitting tube dress that showed off her curves, leaving little to the imagination. By the sweet grin on her face, and the way she crossed to me and put her arm around my waist, tucking into my side, I knew she’d heard everything Caitlyn and I had said. 

“Hey, babe,” she cooed, pulling me tight. “I hope I’m not taking too long.”

I looked down at her upturned face and felt my heart accelerate. 

“You’re worth the wait,” I said softly, my eyes falling to her lips as I remembered our kiss. 

“Aww, you’re so sweet,” Karrie said, turning her attention to Caitlyn and repeating, “Isn’t he so sweet?”

“The sweetest,” Caitlyn replied, her tone implying I was anything but. 

“And you are?” Karrie asked, one hand resting on my abs, causing me to flex. 

“Caitlyn.”

“Hi, Caitlyn, I’m Karrie, Ridge’s girlfriend.”

I would have laughed at the shocked look on Caitlyn’s face, but I was too busy enjoying the feel of Karrie’s hand on me. I found myself wishing there was no barrier between that hand and my bare skin. 

Caitlyn recovered and let out a disbelieving laugh. 

“Ridge doesn’t date,” she said, like she knew the first fucking thing about me. 

“Well, that’s obviously not true.”

Caitlyn looked to me, as if expecting me to prove her right and call Karrie a liar. 

Instead I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. 

“I never saw a reason to date, then I met Karrie.”

Caitlyn’s eyes narrowed, and I knew she was pissed, like I’d just said she wasn’t good enough for me.

Which, honestly, was true.

Buy on Amazon | Barnes and Noble

About the Author

Bethany Lopez is a USA Today Bestselling author of more than thirty books and has been published since 2011. She's a lover of all things romance, which she incorporates into the books she writes, no matter the genre. When she isn't reading or writing, she loves spending time with family and traveling whenever possible. Bethany can usually be found with a cup of coffee or glass of wine at hand, and will never turn down a cupcake!

Connect:

Website: http://bethanylopez.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Bethany-Lopez/214630865247702

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/BethanyLopez2

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/bethanylopez2/

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0056NCP1S

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5021061.Bethany_Lopez

Enter the Release Giveaway: bit.ly/FratHouseGiveaway

Spotlight: Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

A finely observed, timely exploration of marriage, divorce, and the bewildering dynamics of ambition from one of the most exciting writers working today

Toby Fleishman thought he knew what to expect when he and his wife of almost fifteen years separated: weekends and every other holiday with the kids, some residual bitterness, the occasional moment of tension in their co-parenting negotiations. He could not have predicted that one day, in the middle of his summer of sexual emancipation, Rachel would just drop their two children off at his place and simply not return. He had been working so hard to find equilibrium in his single life. The winds of his optimism, long dormant, had finally begun to pick up. Now this.

As Toby tries to figure out where Rachel went, all while juggling his patients at the hospital, his never-ending parental duties, and his new app-assisted sexual popularity, his tidy narrative of the spurned husband with the too-ambitious wife is his sole consolation. But if Toby ever wants to truly understand what happened to Rachel and what happened to his marriage, he is going to have to consider that he might not have seen things all that clearly in the first place.

A searing, utterly unvarnished debut, Fleishman Is in Trouble is an insightful, unsettling, often hilarious exploration of a culture trying to navigate the fault lines of an institution that has proven to be worthy of our great wariness and our great hope.

Excerpt

Toby Fleishman awoke one morning inside the city he’d lived in all his adult life and which was suddenly somehow now crawling with women who wanted him. Not just any women, but women who were self-actualized and independent and knew what they wanted. Women who weren’t needy or insecure or self-doubting, like the long-ago prospects of his long-gone youth—meaning the women he had thought of as prospects but who had never given him even a first glance. No, these were women who were motivated and available and interesting and interested and exciting and excited. These were women who would not so much wait for you to call them one or two or three socially acceptable days after you met them as much as send you pictures of their genitals the day before. Women who were open-minded and up for anything and vocal about their desires and needs and who used phrases like “put my cards on the table” and “no strings attached” and “I need to be done in ten because I have to pick up Bella from ballet.” Women who would fuck you like they owed you money, was how our friend Seth put it.

Yes, who could have predicted that Toby Fleishman, at the age of forty-one, would find that his phone was aglow from sunup to sundown (in the night the glow was extra bright) with texts that contained G-string and ass cleavage and underboob and sideboob and just straight-up boob and all the parts of a woman he never dared dream he would encounter in a person who was three- dimensional—meaning literally three-dimensional, as in a person who wasn’t on a page or a computer screen. All this, after a youth full of romantic rejection! All this, after putting a lifetime bet on one woman! Who could have predicted this? Who could have predicted that there was such life in him yet?

Still, he told me, it was jarring. Rachel was gone now, and her goneness was so incongruous to what had been his plan. It wasn’t that he still wanted her—he absolutely did not want her. He absolutely did not wish she were still with him. It was that he had spent so long waiting out the fumes of the marriage and busying himself with the paperwork necessary to extricate himself from it—telling the kids, moving out, telling his colleagues—that he had not considered what life might be like on the other side of it. He understood divorce in a macro way, of course. But he had not yet adjusted to it in a micro way, in the other-side-of-the-bed-being-empty way, in the nobody-to-tell-you-were-running-late way, in the you-belong-to-no-one way. How long was it before he could look at the pictures of women on his phone—pictures the women had sent him eagerly and of their own volition—straight on, instead of out of the corner of his eye? Okay, sooner than he thought but not immediately. Certainly not immediately.

He hadn’t looked at another woman once during his marriage, so in love with Rachel was he—so in love was he with any kind of institution or system. He made solemn, dutiful work of trying to save the relationship even after it would have been clear to any reasonable person that their misery was not a phase. There was nobility in the work, he believed. There was nobility in the suffering. And even after he realized that it was over, he still had to spend years, plural, trying to convince her that this wasn’t right, that they were too unhappy, that they were still young and could have good lives without each other—even then he didn’t let one millimeter of his eye wander. Mostly, he said, because he was too busy being sad. Mostly because he felt like garbage all the time, and a person shouldn’t feel like garbage all the time. More than that, a person shouldn’t be made horny when he felt like garbage. The intersection of horniness and low self-esteem seemed reserved squarely for porn consumption.

But now there was no one to be faithful to. Rachel wasn’t there.

She was not in his bed. She was not in the bathroom, applying liquid eyeliner to the area where her eyelid met her eyelashes with the precision of an arthroscopy robot. She was not at the gym, or coming back from the gym in a less black mood than usual, not by much but a little. She was not up in the middle of the night, complaining about the infinite abyss of her endless insomnia. She was not at Curriculum Night at the kids’ extremely private and yet somehow progressive school on the West Side, sitting in a small chair and listening to the new and greater demands that were being placed on their poor children compared to the prior year. (Though, then again she rarely was. Those nights, like the other nights, she was at work, or at dinner with a client, what she called “pulling her weight” when she was being kind, and what she called “being your cash cow” when she wasn’t.) So no, she was not there. She was in a completely other home, the one that used to be his, too. Every single morning this thought overwhelmed him momentarily; it panicked him, so that the rst thing he thought when he awoke was this: Something is wrong. There is trouble. I am in trouble. It had been he who asked for the divorce, and still: Something is wrong. There is trouble. I am in trouble. Each morning, he shook this off. He reminded himself that this was what was healthy and appropriate and the natural order. She wasn’t supposed to be next to him anymore. She was supposed to be in her separate, nicer home.

But she wasn’t there, either, not on this particular morning. He learned this when he leaned over to his new IKEA nightstand and picked up his phone, whose beating presence he felt even in those few minutes before his eyes officially opened. He had maybe seven or eight texts there, most of them from women who had reached out during the night via his dating app, but his eyes went straight to Rachel’s text, somewhere in the middle. It seemed to give off a different light than the ones that contained body parts and lacy bands of panty; it somehow drew his eyes in a way the others didn’t. At five a.m. she’d written, I’m headed to Kripalu for the weekend; the kids are at your place FYI.

It took two readings to realize what that meant, and Toby, ignoring the erection he’d allowed to flourish knowing that his phone was rife with new masturbation material, jumped out of bed. He ran into the hallway, and he saw that their two children were in their bedrooms, asleep. FYI the kids were there? FYI? FYI was an afterthought; FYI was supplementary. It wasn’t essential. This information, that his children had been deposited into his home under the cover of darkness during an unscheduled time with the use of a key that had been supplied to Rachel in case of a true and dire emergency, seemed essential.

Excerpted from Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Copyright © 2019 by Taffy Brodesser-Akner. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Buy on Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Audible

About the Author

Taffy Brodesser-Akner is a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine. She has also written for GQ, ESPN the Magazine, and many other publications. Fleishman Is in Trouble is her first novel.