Spotlight: Lost Before I Could See by Victoria Molta
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Navigating My Way Through Mental Illness
Self-Help
Date Published: March 28, 2025
Publisher: MindStir Media
Victoria Molta is a person who has lived with a diagnosed serious mental illness for over forty years. But more than that, she is a writer who has chronicled her life journey in her book, "Lost Before I Could See: Navigating My Way Through Mental Illness." In her book, she has chosen to write about her adventures and challenges, and though there have been setbacks, losses, and failures along the way, she never gives up. She continues to grow and learn, no matter how terrifying it can be to start new episodes of life with very little knowledge or experience, as well as a disability. She never ceases to go forward, with strength and courage, and wants the reader to know that whether living with a disability or not, life is hard. But the main point she wants to make clear is that she never gives up and never loses hope.
Victoria takes the reader on a kaleidoscopic tour beginning with her childhood in southern California, living in the San Gabriel Valley with her family. She describes her father's mental illness and alcoholism, and how, eventually, she succumbs to mental illness as well, as a young adult. She describes her family as one born of privilege and wealth, though definitely not exempt from tragedy and dysfunction. Through all her breakdowns and setbacks, she continues to rise and find meaning from chaos. From that, she develops empathy for people who have been marginalized by society and finds deep connections. In her 30s, she marries Bill, a man she had met in a halfway house where they both were living during the 1980s. It turns out to be a wonderful life partnership where they support each other in their work experiences as well as find joy in adventurous travel experiences.
Later in life, they buy a house and settle down near the shore of Long Island Sound with their rescue dog, Mandy. They appreciate the simple things in life. Peace that once seemed boring is now so appreciated because drama, which had dominated her life for so many years, no longer matters to her.
Excerpt
California Dreams
In 1963, my parents chased a dream to start a new life out west in the valley of the San Gabriel mountains on the outskirts of Los Angeles. I would see moving lights wave across the dark sky like a welcoming hand signaling a movie premiere. My parents chose southern California not to be stars but to gravitate to a place of make-believe; a place where they too could pretend.
I started my new life as a two-year-old playing in a wading pool or a sandbox in our backyard. My parents brought us to Disneyland for the first time. We also piled in the car to the beaches along the Pacific Ocean where the powerful waves crashed onto the sand like explosions.
As parents of three small children, my mom and dad made the decision to move away from tony Winnetka, Illinois on the north shore of Lake Michigan outside Chicago. Both sides of my parent’s families had originated from the Chicago area.
I was born in Evanston, Illinois in 1961, two years after the birth of my brother Ben. My sister Amy was born two years after me. When she was an infant, my father had been fired from his position as a lawyer at a law firm in the city. After that, he agreed to work as a trust officer at the First National Bank of Chicago where his father-in-law was Vice-President. Unfortunately, my dad didn’t get along with his supervisors and colleagues. He fled to bars on his lunch breaks for several hours. He never fit in and was ultimately fired from that position as well.
So, my parents decided to make a geographic cure to California and start over in a new place with a blank slate without the baggage and high expectations from their prominent parents and other relatives. They could redefine themselves. They bought a luxury ranch house and settled in a wealthy town called San Marino. We were now halfway across the country, on the west coast of the United States.
From the outside, we fit in and appeared successful. We were of the same race, class, religion and educational background as most of the others; white, upper middle class, Christian, col-lege-educated. These classifications were what defined success in mid-20th century America. We appeared to meet the standards of the American dream. We were supposed to hold the key to the magic kingdom; open the door and the room was golden. We were supposed to have the power to do anything we wanted to do and be anything we wanted to be. We were supposed to be the leaders, the movers and shakers; or so it was drilled into the heads of people in our town.
I cherished certain memories of growing up in California. My maternal great-grandmother Mersey was the only one other relative who lived near our family. I loved her dearly. I also had many friends growing up including Bonnie, my best friend with whom I shared many happy experiences.
However, there were also underlying disturbances, turmoil and trauma. Beneath the surface of my own mind, trouble was brewing. Mental illness and inner disturbance, likely inherited from my dad, would ultimately take over my life and veer me in a direction I could never have imagined.
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About the Author
Victoria Molta is an author, mental health advocate, and television producer at East Haven Connecticut Public Television. With over four decades of lived experience with serious mental illness, Victoria brings a deeply personal and empowering perspective to her work. Her memoir, Lost Before I Could See: Navigating My Way Through Mental Illness, chronicles a lifetime of challenges, recovery, and hope.
Victoria holds a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Vermont and has written extensively about mental health recovery, housing advocacy, and social inclusion. Her essays have appeared in mental health journals, anthologies, and newspaper editorials across the country.
She was the first person in recovery to be openly hired by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) in Connecticut, where she coordinated over 130 public presentations in a single year. She later worked as a peer mentor at the Yale Program for Recovery and Community Health and held support roles at mental health clubhouses, warmlines, and public housing sites.
Victoria also created and hosted the award-winning cable show You and Your Mental Wellness, highlighting the voices of Connecticut’s mental health leaders and community members. The show became a valuable resource and was featured on the Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services website.
She lives with her husband of over 30 years and their rescue dog, Mandy, near the tranquil shores of Long Island Sound. Today, she continues to advocate for awareness, dignity, and healing for all those impacted by mental illness.
